


On and On

by vicaniyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Parenthood, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-06-23 15:03:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15608898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicaniyun/pseuds/vicaniyun
Summary: At five, Junmyeon met Yifan for the first time. At thirteen, Junmyeon gave Yifan his first kiss. At twenty-one, Junmyeon and Yifan officially married. And, at twenty-six, Junmyeon knows his and Yifan's lives are about to change forever.





	1. i. one

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: HELLO it's been forever, but here I am, at last churning out some new content. I posted this over on aff and some folks said they wanted it crossposted to AO3, so here we are. This isn't going to be a super long one (5 chapters only!), but I think it'll be a cute and fun comeback fic! Thanks to everyone for their patience over the past couple of months. Getting back into the swing of writing has been really hard since life has been beating the snot out of me, but here we go! Hope you guys like it :-)

Junmyeon had been a mere age of five when he met Yifan for the first time. He was in kindergarten back then, and even years later, he could remember that day with pinpoint precision. It had been raining that fateful morning, and the glass of their classroom windows had been foggy. There was the pitter patter of droplets against the roof. He could recall their teacher standing with Yifan at the front of the room to introduce him to the class. Yifan’s hands had been so small back then and they were clenched into tight fists at his sides due to anxiety, and the tips of his ears were burned red with shyness. 

Yifan was assigned to the empty desk beside Junmyeon’s, and from then on, the two of them stuck together like glue. 

Not to say it wasn’t a bit difficult at first. Yifan was horrendously shy and didn’t talk much. During their breaks, Junmyeon would chatter with Yifan as much as he could. He only received a few mumbles in reply, heavily accented and stuttering, but Junmyeon kept pushing. After all, Yifan was brand new to their school and needed friends. Junmyeon made it his personal goal to become Yifan’s first friend. He wanted Yifan to feel welcome, so he refused to quit. 

His efforts started to pay off after a while. He learned a few things about Yifan during the first month following his arrival into his class: Yifan was Chinese, lived with his mother, and they had relocated to Korea because of his mother’s job. That was a start, but seeing Yifan’s ears stop flushing in embarrassment whenever he talked and hearing his speech grow more confident felt like so much more. 

Two months after Yifan was transferred into his class, Yifan finally initiated a conversation with him. It was typically Junmyeon who had to start talking, and from there, Yifan would usually grunt out a few short answers to whatever question he had been asked. But that day was different. They were coloring, and Junmyeon could remember Yifan had a blue crayon wrapped up in his stubby fingers, matching the bright blue of the sky seen through their classroom window. 

“My mom wanted me to say thank you,” Yifan said. His anxious stutter was gone, though his voice was still horribly quiet. Junmyeon perked up beside him, eyes wide with curiosity. “She said she’s really happy that I made a friend at school.” 

Junmyeon beamed in response. Not only did he manage to accomplish his mission, but he had also made Yifan’s mother happy. It made his tummy feel warm for some reason. “I’m happy too!” 

Yifan laughed, gums peeking out from between his lips. “Let’s be friends for a long time, okay?” 

Junmyeon nodded vigorously to show his approval. Being friends with Yifan for a long time, even forever, sounded like a great idea. 

And so, their path as best friends began. Junmyeon adored spending time with Yifan, and judging from the big smile on Yifan’s face whenever they hung out together, Junmyeon could only assume Yifan felt as excited as he did. Since they were both in school, and had various work to do during the day, they didn’t get to spend as much time together as they desired. After some whining and begging from Junmyeon, his parents at last agreed that he and Yifan could have a playdate. 

Junmyeon had been practically vibrating in excitement when his parents accepted the idea, and he couldn’t bring himself to calm down until the day finally arrived where Yifan came to his house. Well, even then he was nearly bouncing off the walls, eager to finally have a chance to play with his best friend outside of school. 

He wasn’t sure if there had ever been a day in existence where he had so much fun. They played pretend outside and played video games in Junmyeon’s room and ate dinner together with Junmyeon’s parents, both pairs of their little legs too short to reach the floor from the height of the chairs. 

“Your house is so neat! I like it,” Yifan proclaimed that evening. Their parents unanimously agreed that Yifan could spend the night, and there he was, standing in Junmyeon’s bedroom after having just put on his pajamas. Yifan stood there for a moment, glancing around to survey the posters hanging on the walls that he had missed before, until he at last looked over at Junmyeon with a big grin on his face. “But I like your room the most. You have a nice style, Junmyeon.” 

“What does that mean?” Junmyeon asked, blinking in confusion and tilting his head a little to the left. 

“I heard it on one of those home makeover shows my mom likes!” Yifan said gleefully, scurrying across the room to join Junmyeon. The younger boy was presently sitting up in his bed, and Yifan divebombed onto the inflatable mattress that had been set up on the floor beside it. “It’s like, um, certain stuff that you think looks good.” 

“Oh,” Junmyeon replied, face thoughtful. He stared at Yifan for a moment, taking in the pattern adorned to his pajamas, before his eyes lit up in understanding. “Well, I think you have a nice style too, because you have cool space pajamas!” 

“You think space is cool too? I _love_ space!” Yifan blabbed excitedly, bouncing up and down on the little bed. When Junmyeon nodded eagerly in agreement, Yifan’s entire face alit. “Have you been to a planetarium?” 

“Plana-what?” Junmyeon asked, puckering his lips up in a confused pout. “What is it called again?” 

“Planetarium! It’s like a big movie theater thingy where they show you tons of cool stuff about space,” Yifan explained. “My mom took me to one back when we lived in China and it was _really_ awesome. I think they have one here too. We should go together! I think my mom would be okay taking us.” 

“We should totally go!” Junmyeon agreed. “I wanna see it too.” 

Yifan just smiled. “I’ll ask my mom for you, okay?” 

Junmyeon grinned back at him, his tummy already bundling up inside from excitement. 

It wasn’t long after that Junmyeon’s father stepped into the room to tell them it was time for lights out, taking a moment to make sure both boys were tucked in and wish them goodnight. When the bedroom door clicked shut after his departure, Junmyeon rolled over in bed, peeking over the edge of the mattress to look down at Yifan. Yifan was bundled up in the depths of his blanket, and looked half-asleep already, not noticing Junmyeon’s gaze. He instead was studying the arrangement of glow in the dark shapes plastered on Junmyeon’s ceiling, eyes droopy, the stuffed dragon he had brought over to the house cuddled protectively in the crook of his left arm. 

Junmyeon settled back into bed, snuggling underneath his blanket and looking up at the ceiling too. His mind drifted back to their discussion of the planetarium, and while he was daydreaming about going to it with Yifan, he, at some point, fell asleep. 

* * *

The two of them experienced tons of ‘first’ moments together. Yifan, being older, was the first one to lose a baby tooth. His tooth had been loose for weeks. When he was at Junmyeon’s one evening, eating dinner with him and his parents, Yifan had bitten into something particularly hard that at last marked the loss of one of his baby teeth. 

_“You have to put it under your pillow so the tooth fairy can bring you money!” Junmyeon said gleefully that evening, sitting next to Yifan on the edge of the bed._

_Yifan, on the other hand, fiddling with the little tooth, looked on the verge of tears. “I can’t believe my tooth fell out, Junmyeon…”_

_“Aren’t they supposed to do that? My dad says it means you’re growing up,” Junmyeon said with a hum. “So now you can get big kid teeth! It’s a good thing.”_

_“But now I have a hole in my mouth,” Yifan whimpered, turning a pair of watery, pathetic eyes onto Junmyeon. “Am I ugly?”_

_“I think your tooth gap looks neat! And soon you’ll have a big kid tooth which is even cooler,” Junmyeon replied. He smiled. “Either way, you’re not ugly at all! I think you’re handsome, Yifan.”_

_Yifan blinked a couple times, stuttering a little from being flustered. “I’m handsome?”_

_“Yeah, of course!” Junmyeon told him, before his face fell a little, as if he was disappointed. “I wish I was as handsome as you.”_

_“Well, maybe you’re not handsome,” Yifan started, “but I think you’re cute.”_

_It was then Junmyeon’s turn to be rattled, his little face burning bright red. “R-Really?”_

_“’Course I do!” Still clutching his baby tooth in one chubby palm, Yifan threw his head back and laughed. “Your face is so red! You look like a tomato.”_

Junmyeon was the first to break a bone. They had been playing with a frisbee and after a big throw from Yifan, it wound up stuck in a tree. Despite Yifan telling him to just leave it there and not worry about it anymore, Junmyeon took it upon himself to try to get the frisbee out of the tree. He succeeded… But also fell out of the tree in the process, and wound up with a broken arm. 

_“Does it hurt?” Yifan asked that evening, rapping his knuckles against the surface of the cast. It echoed back with a dull_ clunk. _“It must feel weird.”_

_“It hurt really bad earlier, but not so much now,” Junmyeon explained, staring down at it as well and taking in the bright green of the plaster. “It feels really funny though.”_

_“It looks kinda funny too. Not to be mean, or anything. But yeah,” Yifan rambled, before puffing out a small sigh through his nose. “Man, I’m really sorry you got hurt. I shouldn’t have suggested we play with the frisbee.”_

_“It’s not your fault! The frisbee didn’t make me break my arm, the tree did,” Junmyeon said. “And you didn’t make me climb it. I did that.”_

_“Still, I don’t like seeing you hurt,” Yifan grumbled, his chubby face twisting up in a ridiculously large pout. “I’m gonna keep a better eye on you from now on so you don’t get hurt anymore. Okay?”_

_“Okay,” Junmyeon agreed, his face dusted pink with shyness, unsure as to why his heart was suddenly pumping so fast. A sudden thought flashed through his mind and he sat up straighter, free hand grabbing for Yifan’s arm. “Oh! Yifan, do you wanna do like they do in the movies and sign my cast? You can be the very first person to sign it!”_

_“I can? If you want me to, I’ll sign it,” Yifan said, already standing up to search for a marker. He paused for a moment though, glancing down at Junmyeon. “Um… Can I be the only one to sign it, though? I’m your best friend and I like you the most out of everyone, so I don’t want anyone else to sign it. Is that okay?”_

_Those words made Junmyeon’s stomach flip in the weirdest of ways. He gave an audible swallow. “Y-Yeah, it’s okay.”_

_“Yes! And since my name isn’t very long, I can fill up the rest of the space if you want me to,” Yifan offered, “since I like to draw anyway. I could draw those bunnies you like so much on it.”_

It was with Yifan that Junmyeon talked about the future for the first time. 

_“So, what do you wanna do when you become a grown-up?” Yifan asked him, rolling onto his belly. The two of them were lying on the carpet together to watch a movie, with a large bowl of popcorn set up between them. Yifan stuffed a handful into his mouth and carelessly licked the butter from his fingers. “Do you know yet?”_

_“Um… Hm, I’m not sure,” Junmyeon said, tapping his index finger up against his lips in thought, like he always did when he was thinking too hard about something. “I like singing! Maybe I could sing as a grown-up too.”_

_“I think that would be neat,” Yifan agreed. His eyes lit up then and he propped himself up onto his elbows. “Oh, I like to draw stuff, so maybe I could draw as a grown-up! We could work together. You know, like, in the CD cases they have those tiny books with words and pictures in them? You could write down all the words to your songs and I could draw pictures to go with them and we could make cool CD case books too! Your CDs will be the coolest ones ever and you’re gonna sell sooo many. You’ll be famous! And I’ll be your biggest fan ever.”_

_Junmyeon let out a giggle and cupped his cheeks shyly into the palms of his hands. “I think being famous would be super cool because then I’d have lots of money and if I have lots of money I can buy a big house and you could stay at my house all the time.”_

_“Oh! Like live with you?” Yifan asked, grinning big and wide. “I wanna live with you! We’d have fun_ all _the time and we could eat as much cake as we want without our folks saying we can’t.”_

_“I wanna live with you too… But can we do that?” Junmyeon asked, cocking his head sideways to exhibit his puzzlement. “Don’t you have to be married and in love with someone to live with them?”_

_Yifan wrinkled his nose before merely waving a hand in dismissal. “Psh! That’s easy stuff. You’re my best friend, Junmyeon, I already love you the most out of everyone we know.”_

_“But,” Junmyeon whined, “we’d have to still be married, though.”_

_“Then we’ll get married someday! Duh,” Yifan drawled, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “You just gotta be in love to get married, right? That’s what I heard on TV once. And I already do love you, so…”_

_Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat. “How old do we have to be to get married, anyway?”_

_“Old. Like, eighteen, I think,” Yifan huffed, pouting. “That’s dumb! I’m eight, I’m already plenty old! But fine, if we gotta wait, then it’s okay. We just gotta, um, I guess be old enough to get married, then I’ll marry you. Okay? I promise.”_

_“You promise?” Junmyeon echoed, a fluttering in his tummy._

_“’Course! And whenever I promise something, I always do it. Like I said, Junmyeon, you’re my best friend and I love you a lot,” Yifan rambled, “so I’d be really happy to marry you someday. Then we can get the house you want and we’ll never have to go home to our own house after playdates anymore.”_

_Junmyeon grinned so hard his cheeks ached. “Let’s be eighteen soon, Yifan.”_

* * *

Puberty was an awkward time for both of them. 

Yifan, being the older of the pair, started experiencing changes first. It didn’t take long for his height to start shooting above Junmyeon’s, despite how Junmyeon had been the bigger of the two when they first met in kindergarten. Yifan’s voice was the first to start cracking, and Junmyeon didn’t mean to laugh at him the first time it happened, but he couldn’t help it. 

Another reason that things were beginning to tumble down a slippery slope? The two of them had their first fight. Having grown up together, they had countless squabbles since they were in kindergarten, but it had always been over menial, childish things. They fought over whose turn it was during games, they bickered over what movie to what or what snack to eat, they argued over whether or not some obscure trivia fact Yifan pulled out of the depths of his brain was true or not. It was all simplistic, harmless things, and at the end of the day, nothing changed between them. 

But they had _never_ experienced a full-blown argument before. 

Junmyeon was twelve when he met Minseok at their after-school swim meet. They clicked extremely well, almost immediately. Minseok’s mannerisms were a lot like his own; both of them were rather soft-spoken individuals that needed some warming up around a person before becoming properly comfortable around them. 

After a couple weeks of talking before and after practice, they finally decided to hang out together. Breaking the news to Yifan had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Yifan had looked so excited when he extended the offer for them to share the weekend together, but that expression quickly crumbled into borderline devastation when Junmyeon turned him down, saying he already had plans. 

Yifan’s smile was tight-lipped and forced. “Oh. Okay, um, well, maybe next time.”

Junmyeon had known Yifan was disappointed. Ever since they met in kindergarten, the two of them were practically glued at the hip. Unless their parents arranged plans or one of them was ill, Yifan and Junmyeon were nearly always together. It was a rare occurrence for them to be alone, and Yifan was struggling with trying to handle the situation.

He wasn’t succeeding very well though. With Junmyeon becoming closer to Minseok, the two of them were hanging out more often, and Yifan wasn’t taking it well. After a handful of times of Junmyeon rejecting him, saying he was going to be out with Minseok instead, Yifan at last exploded in a fit of rare anger.

_“What’s so great about Minseok?” Yifan snapped. “All you do is talk about him and hang out with him all the time now. You hang out with Minseok all the time but you don’t hang out with me anymore!”_

_Unsure as to what was happening, Junmyeon fumbled over his words. “Yifan, why are you so jealous? We do still hang out—”_

_“No, we don’t! You’re always out with Minseok now and whenever I ask you if you want to do something, you always say you can’t because you’re busy doing stuff with Minseok,” Yifan shouted, losing himself in his temper. He was yelling, and his eyes were suddenly growing wet with a film of tears. “I’m your best friend, Junmyeon! Do you like Minseok more than me, is that what it is?”_

_“Yifan—Yifan, you need to relax,” Junmyeon fussed, his hands already extending and reaching for Yifan. His fingers curled around Yifan’s wrists, gentle but firm. There was a brief moment where they stared at one another, Junmyeon’s chin lifted so that he could look Yifan in the eye. “Listen to me. Minseok is my friend, but no one can ever replace you. You’re right, you are my best friend, and that’s exactly why you don’t need to be jealous. No matter what, no matter how many friends I make or who I hang out with, you’re still my number one. Okay? I’ve known you longer than anyone and you’re the one I’m closest to, and nothing is going to change that.”_

_A stray tear plopped onto Yifan’s cheek, and he let out a loud sniffle, arms tense in Junmyeon’s grip as he lowered his head in shame. “’M sorry. I just—I don’t want you to replace me…”_

_“No one on earth could ever replace you, Yifan.” Junmyeon smiled softly, rubbing the pads of his thumbs soothingly against Yifan’s wrists. “I mean that. Tell you what, tomorrow let’s go to the dessert shop and get that big shaved ice you like so much.”_

_Yifan merely nodded. “Okay.”_

_“We should try to find you another friend too. That way you’ll have someone else to hang out with if I have plans,” Junmyeon murmured. “Next time we do something together, do you want to come with us? You can meet Minseok. He won’t bite, I promise.”_

_Yifan let out another pathetic sniff as he pried one hand out of Junmyeon’s grip to wipe his eyes, wordlessly bobbing his head again. Junmyeon sighed then, stepping forward and wrapping up Yifan’s lanky body in his arms in a big, warm hug._

_He couldn’t bite back a smile when Yifan buried his face into the crook of his neck._

* * *

The beginnings of their teenage years only made the relationship between the two of them tenser. Junmyeon, although still lagging behind Yifan by a long shot, was finally seeing his body change too. He wasn’t blind to the way Yifan began to stare at him more, raking his eyes over his body when he thought Junmyeon wasn’t paying attention. Junmyeon didn’t call him out on it, nor was he offended; how could he be when he was doing the exact same thing to Yifan when the other male had his head turned?

They were locked in an awkward tango of emotions and behaviors for quite a while. It was weeks upon weeks of shy glances, and stuttering words, and lingering touches. Junmyeon couldn’t place his finger on when things had changed between them, but it had. He dwelled upon it night after night as he sat in bed trying to fall asleep and it slowly started to dawn on him that maybe he liked Yifan more than as just a friend. He was too shy to ask Yifan if he felt the same.

They were young and inexperienced and two lanky bundles of awkward. Junmyeon had been thirteen at the time. He could remember that one fateful evening. They had been in Yifan’s room playing a video game together and had gotten a little too competitive. There had been some banter, some playful pushing and shoving, and typical for them, they got a bit out of hand. Yifan accidentally pushed Junmyeon over and was quick to scramble to him, hands planted firmly into the worn fibers of the carpet on either side of Junmyeon’s skull to ask him if he was alright.

_“I’m fine,” Junmyeon whispered. Yifan’s hands looked so big these days. His fingers were longer and thicker and he stared for a moment of how they twisted into the carpet. He tore his eyes away, daring himself to look upwards. Yifan hadn’t moved. His face was hovering right above Junmyeon’s own, those dark eyes narrowed slightly and practically boring a hole through him, his growing body looming over him like a makeshift cage. Junmyeon couldn’t look bring himself to look away, instead struck by an odd feeling of contentment and…desire. “Yifan… Why are you looking at me like that?”_

Yifan hadn’t answered him with words. He didn’t need to; his actions spoke louder. For a moment, he lifted a hand, fingers pretending to be focused on toying with Junmyeon’s mop of black hair. And the next—His face lowered. There was the smallest of pauses, meager millimeters between them before Yifan at last dared himself to do it, and slotted his lips over Junmyeon’s own.

Neither of them had kissed anyone before, and their first kiss was far from perfect. It wasn’t a good angle and it left their noses squished together but Junmyeon couldn’t bring himself to care. His eyes had widened for one split second before closing, his hands immediately shooting between them to grab fistfuls of Yifan’s t-shirt as he tried to return the attention being given to him.

Nothing had ever felt so right.

* * *

They were barely teenagers when they began to start ‘officially’ dating. After that one fateful kiss, it had opened up countless doors for the two of them in terms of romance. One was that the two finally realized they were both harboring crushes for each other, and decided to step things up a notch by starting a relationship. Junmyeon had fussed a little, worried that becoming a couple would ruin their friendship, but Yifan didn’t seem concerned.

_“You’ll always be my best friend no matter what,” Yifan explained calmly, “even if you’re my boyfriend.”_

Junmyeon was mainly relieved that his parents didn’t mind. He had tried to keep his relationship with Yifan a secret at first, terrified as to what they would say or think or even do if they knew. But after a while, he just couldn’t bring himself to hide it anymore. They were his parents, his family, and he wanted to share such information about himself with them. He didn’t want to hide forever. 

_“Junmyeon, it’s okay. Don’t cry. I’m not upset or angry or anything else,” his mother cooed, rubbing his upper back as a fourteen-year-old Junmyeon was on the cusp of sobbing in the middle of their kitchen as he confessed. “I’ve always known you loved him. Yifan is a good match for you, and I don’t care that he’s a boy. If he’s good to you, and you’re happy with him, that’s all that matters to me.”_

It was almost as if Junmyeon was examining the world through rose-tinted glass, because after he and Yifan started dating, everything seemed oddly perfect. He always felt so happy and loved around Yifan. The dynamics of their relationship hadn’t changed. They still had their playful squabbles, and video game nights, and late study sessions while they gorged on greasy pizza, and Yifan still teased him about how short he was even after puberty. The only thing that seemed to change was that now Yifan loved to shower him with kisses and tease him relentlessly about how cute he supposedly was. 

_“When we’re old enough to go, I want to be the one to take you to the school dance, okay?” Yifan said late one evening. It was a Saturday night and the clock on Junmyeon’s nightstand read one AM, but they were still wide awake. The bed creaked softly as Yifan rolled over a bit so he could look Junmyeon in the eye. A playful smirk broke out across his face and he wiggled closer to steal a peck of a kiss from Junmyeon’s lips. “Everyone will be in awe of how good you look.”_

_“Don’t say things like that,” Junmyeon whined, his cheeks already flushing, “you’re gonna make me blush.”_

_“Bit too late for that. You’re already getting red,” Yifan snickered, wiggling across the bed to glue himself to Junmyeon’s side. There was some wiggling, the bed groaning pathetically underneath them as the two teenagers fumbled around and tried to get comfortable. At last, in an awkward twist of limbs, Junmyeon found himself in Yifan’s arms and his head at home on the older boy’s chest. Yifan hummed, pleased. “I like when you blush. It’s cute on you.”_

_“Don’t tease me. It’s late,” Junmyeon complained, “we’re supposed to be asleep.”_

_“Are you tired?” Yifan asked then, arching his eyebrows. When Junmyeon didn’t reply, Yifan just laughed softly under his breath and snuggled up to Junmyeon a bit more. “That’s a no. Why sleep if we’re not tired? Let’s talk instead.”_

_Junmyeon let out a grunt to show he heard. “About…?”_

_“I dunno. University or something,” Yifan drawled, “since we’re graduating in a couple years.”_

_“I don’t want to think about that right now,” Junmyeon whined. “We’re getting old, being an adult will suck, and the future scares me.”_

_“I think it’ll be fun. I mean, we’ll have to pay bills and other lame adult stuff, but when we get older we can finally move out and live together and get married.”_

_The world seemed to stop moving. Frowning, Junmyeon started to sit up, propping himself up onto his elbows to look over at Yifan. “What did you just say?”_

_“Married?” Yifan supplied, offering Junmyeon a warm smile. “I never forgot, Junmyeon. Like I said before, I always keep a promise.”_

_“You actually…_ want _to marry me someday? I thought that was just… That we were just being kids back then, that sort of thing,” Junmyeon said, his voice wavering._

_“Why wouldn’t I want to marry you? You’ve been my best friend since I was in kindergarten and I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember,” Yifan said, eyes warm and shiny with adoration. “We can still buy that house you want too. Whatever will make you happy.”_

_Junmyeon had to bite his lip to keep from smiling._

* * *

Throughout high school, they both began to understand, at least somewhat, of what they truly wanted in life. They had managed to narrow down what career field they wanted, just in time for university applications. They filled out several, but they both applied to several of the same schools. They spent quite a bit of time discussing it; if they had to be apart for some time because of their education, then so be it, but they weren’t going to end their relationship due to distance. 

Yifan had selected business administration, and Junmyeon, much to Yifan’s surprise, had chosen education. 

_“I’m just surprised,” Yifan said, “you never told me you wanted to be a teacher.”_

_“I didn’t at first, and I never really thought about it until recently. But you know how I snagged that tutoring job on certain weeknights? Ever since I started doing it, it’s been more than just income for me. I really like doing it,” Junmyeon replied, lips parting in a big smile. “It came to me much easier than I thought it would and the younger students I’ve been tutoring seem to really be getting it after I explain. I like helping them; it feels good.”_

_“If it makes you happy, then I think it’d be a perfect job for you,” Yifan hummed, leaning further back into the couch and flipping through the channels on the television. “Any specific grade you want to teach?”_

_“I’m not sure. I haven’t thought about that part too much… Maybe elementary school,” Junmyeon offered. “I do like kids, and they act so much differently than teenagers do. Plus, they still get to do things like arts and crafts, which you’re awesome at doing. I could bum ideas off of you for my lesson plans.”_

_“I can’t wait to see you come home covered in finger-paint.” Yifan let out one of his classic loud laughs at that, throwing his head back and into the couch cushions. He sat there for a minute, lazily keeping his eyes on the television before turning his gaze back onto Junmyeon when a commercial cut into the program. “You never told me you like kids either.”_

_“I’ve never had anything against them, I just never really thought about teaching them before,” Junmyeon said with a shrug, “but now that I’ve been thinking about it a lot, I really like the idea.”_

_Yifan just grinned, leaning over to press a kiss against Junmyeon’s temple. “I like that idea too.”_

* * *

Junmyeon had always loved birthdays. It was an entire day all about you, and ever since he was a little kid, he and Yifan always made sure to shower each other endlessly on their big day. They always exchanged a present, and no matter what it was that Yifan gave him, Junmyeon loved every single thing. He still had the macaroni art that Yifan had made for him in kindergarten hiding in one of his desk drawers. 

Turning eighteen felt a bit anticlimactic. Junmyeon had noticed that every year, as he grew older, he stopped feeling any different when he had a birthday. He still felt like Junmyeon, unchanged, just a bit more tired than last year. He was sure that without Yifan at his side, birthdays would have lost most of their luster entirely, but Yifan refused to let that happen. 

How could he find his birthday boring when Yifan showered him with love and attention on his special day? Yifan, being a year older, had gotten a part-time job a while back, and had bragged to Junmyeon that he could now officially take him out on a date without asking to borrow money from his mom. Junmyeon let himself be pampered, of course; he didn’t have much of a choice anyway. He had learned not to argue with Yifan over these sorts of things, because if Yifan wanted to take him out for dinner or buy him something, Yifan was going to do it no matter how many times Junmyeon objected. 

_“I want to do this for you,” Yifan would always say with the slightest hitch in his voice, putting on his best attempt of puppy dog eyes. “Please let me.”_

Junmyeon always caved. 

He was glad that he hadn’t objected to any of the birthday plans Yifan had established for him. He was having an incredible evening. Yifan had taken him out to dinner at his favorite restaurant, for starters. It was a bit of a long haul, but they traveled out to the coastline for the day, ducking into various stores to window-shop and finding the occasional cheesy knickknack they just had to bring back with them. 

Before they decided to head home, they wandered onto the beach. It had been years since Junmyeon had seen the ocean. He carried his beat-up sneakers – socks tucked away inside them – in one hand, letting his other hold Yifan’s hand tightly. Yifan swung their conjoined hands freely as they strolled along the sand, glancing out at the ocean and letting the incoming waves lap at their exposed feet and ankles. 

The sun was beginning to dip behind the horizon, sky painted a splashed assortment of purples and oranges. Yifan suddenly paused, and Junmyeon followed suit, leaving the two of them staring out at the sunset. There was a breeze that stirred Yifan’s hair and he glanced over at Junmyeon, offering him one of those blinding smiles that could make Junmyeon’s insides melt. 

_“So,” Yifan said, “how was your day?”_

_“Fantastic! I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun,” Junmyeon told him._

_“That’s good to hear. I was a little worried that you’d be bored, since this hasn’t exactly been the most extravagant thing we’ve ever done, so I’m really happy to hear you’ve been enjoying yourself.” Yifan’s grin didn’t budge an inch. “That reminds me! I still have to give you your gift.”_

_Junmyeon’s brow pinched inward in confusion. Yifan was entirely empty-handed. Unsure as to where Yifan was going with their conversation, Junmyeon watched as Yifan began to rummage around in the pocket of the denim jacket he was wearing._

_And then, all of a sudden, Yifan was sinking into the sand on his knees._

_“Kim Junmyeon,” Yifan was saying, though Junmyeon could barely hear it, deafened by the sound of blood rushing through his ears as his heart thudded away on overdrive, “will you marry me?”_

_It was a little black box, and when Yifan popped it open, there sat a band just for him. It was perfect. Nothing too flashy or tacky or extravagant and a knot was suddenly swelling up inside Junmyeon’s throat. Tears flooded his eyes and he nodded rapidly, his voice hoarse as he choked out a single syllable of acceptance. Yifan was beaming as he hopped to his feet, swooping in to gather Junmyeon into his arms. There was a brief moment where Yifan helped him slide the ring onto his finger before wrapping him up into his arms, and Junmyeon choked on a sob, happily caging Yifan into a hug just as tight, unable to believe it was real._

_Yifan really had kept his promise, even a decade later._

* * *

Junmyeon was engaged at eighteen. It was horribly early in the eyes of some people, saying he was too young to make such a big decision in his life, but he didn’t really care what everyone else thought. He was proud to wear the ring that Yifan had purchased for him, and thinking about the two of them having an actual wedding like they had dreamed about as children left him giddy with excitement. 

The two of them graduated from high school and moved on to university. They found an apartment on the outskirts of campus, small and quite banged up but they didn’t mind. It was a place to sleep, close to the school, not infested with bugs, and they could split the rent, so it was a keeper. Even though it was campus housing, it, to Junmyeon, already felt like they were officially living together. Sometimes he forgot it wasn’t their own true apartment, that they were only staying there for school purposes, and it left him dreaming of the day they could at last rent a place to call their own. 

University, despite the initial ups and downs, didn’t change them. Junmyeon knew they were both exhausted and stressed, but they were still in love. In terms of friends, that changed a bit. Junmyeon kept in contact with Minseok, as the two of them were both enrolled in the same university, but he had fallen out of touch with the remainder of friends he had made during high school. Yifan was in the same boat, having dropped contact with practically everyone he knew due to distance and different interests. 

It was one reason he was happy to see Yifan making new friends on campus. There was one guy that Junmyeon had met a couple of times, and despite the bit of a language barrier between them, Junmyeon did like him. Yixing was his name, and he was enrolled in the study abroad program, having temporarily transferred to their school to study. He was Chinese, just like Yifan, and Junmyeon figured that was one reason they clicked so well. Yifan could use his native tongue with Yixing and as much as Yifan loved Junmyeon, Junmyeon knew that the difference in their cultures would always be present. At least now with Yixing around, Yifan had someone with relatable experiences that he could chat with and have as a friend. 

It reminded Junmyeon of how he had become close friends with Minseok in record time, and it made his heart warm to see Yifan at last making connections with someone that he could keep close to his heart too. 

* * *

Despite Yifan popping the question when Junmyeon was still a teenager, the two of them had a long engagement. They were young and broke and it forced them to take things a bit slow, and although Junmyeon swore up and down he didn’t mind waiting, he found himself getting just as antsy as Yifan. He knew that they were still young and had plenty of time to get married and they should _really_ try to wait a bit longer to make sure they were standing on more solid ground, but their impatience eventually got the best of them. 

They scraped their funds together and began to plan. They had no desire for a large wedding, nor anything fancy. Just a few friends and some close family members and that was all that they needed. They agreed on a date, and the following June, they officially tied the knot. 

Junmyeon could still remember it. He remembered Yifan’s black suit and styled hair. He remembered Yifan’s voice trembling as he read his vows in front of a very small sum of people watching their ceremony. He remembered the way Yifan’s lips felt when they shared their first kiss as a married couple. He remembered the heavy press of Yifan’s palm on the small of his back to pull him in closer. He remembered the laughter, both of theirs, mingling in his ears as they cut into their little wedding cake. 

And of course, he remembered the way the sheets felt beneath him that night, how Yifan’s hands felt against his skin, the way Yifan’s lips danced in kisses down his neck. It wasn’t his first time, of course; he had still been in high school when he slept with Yifan for the first time. But it was his first time sleeping with Yifan as a married man, and it felt so _right._

He had never been happier. 

* * *

At twenty-two, Junmyeon had a pregnancy scare. 

They had been married for less than a year and were nearly finished with school, but not quite. They had always been careful, and always used protection, but no plan was ever perfect. 

_“What’s wrong?” Junmyeon asked, not liking the expression carved into Yifan’s face._

_“I think—” Yifan stammered, looking absolutely mortified, “I think it broke.”_

That covering was all they had. Junmyeon wasn’t on any sort of birth control at the time, and hearing those words leave Yifan’s lips made his heart stop for a second. 

There was only so much he could do. Yifan had rushed out to the store immediately after and brought him back some emergency contraception for him to take, but Junmyeon knew the pill was only but so effective. It left them both antsy, not knowing what was happening, and it left Junmyeon standing in their bathroom, fumbling with a box of pregnancy tests. 

_“You can come in now,” Junmyeon called, perched on the edge of their bathtub, staring down at the little stick in his hands. He heard the sound of the door clicking as it swung open, and in shuffled Yifan, white as a sheet with anxiety. “It’s okay. It’s negative.”_

_Yifan released a sigh so heavy and loud it practically shook the walls. “Oh, thank god.”_

_Junmyeon didn’t say anything though, his lips pursed together thoughtfully as he kept staring down at the little test in his fingers._

_“You aren’t saying anything,” Yifan commented, coming across the bathroom to sit down next to Junmyeon on the edge of the tub. “Aren’t you relieved?”_

_“I don’t know, to be honest. I mean, at first I was really scared and worried about it, but when I was taking the test, I started thinking about it. It all started running through my head, Yifan, and I sat here thinking ‘what if it’s positive’?” Junmyeon mumbled, “but I didn’t have a sense of dread thinking about that, I didn’t have that sense of ‘my life may be over’, or anything. It did freak me out a little, knowing that it would have been a complete accident, but…”_

_Yifan was silent for a long moment, clearly struggling to process what Junmyeon had just said. His expression then softened and he rubbed his palm over Junmyeon’s lower back. “Junmyeon, we’re too young to have a kid. We’re young and broke and we’d all starve.”_

_“I know! But… I was more afraid of everything else, not the possibility of it coming out positive. I was freaked out over it being an accident, over us not being able to support ourselves, or a baby, but it didn’t once cross my mind that it’d be a huge regrettable life-ruining thing,” Junmyeon rambled. “All the other factors made me anxious… But the thought of actually being pregnant didn’t scare me. Does that even make any sense? I probably sound so stupid right now.”_

_“I think I get it. It’s like, you weren’t afraid of having it, you were more afraid of accidentally having it and not being able to raise it properly,” Yifan explained slowly. “Right?”_

_Junmyeon nodded and sighed, shoulders sagging. “Let’s not worry about this anymore for right now. It’s negative. That’s all that matters.”_

_“Junmyeon,” Yifan interrupted, snagging Junmyeon by the wrist as the other started to heave himself to his feet. “Do you really, truly want a baby?”_

_Junmyeon paused for a moment to think about it. They had briefly talked about it a couple times, as high school students and as a married couple. Yifan had always been certain that he wanted children, as he adored kids, but Junmyeon had been the one sitting on the fence, unsure of what he truly wanted._

_After that little niggling feeling of disappointment somewhere deep inside him when the test came back negative, Junmyeon thought he now had an answer._

_“I still need some time to think about it a bit more, but,” Junmyeon said slowly, fidgeting, “I’m open to the idea.”_

* * *

“What are you thinking about?” 

Junmyeon jolted back to life, nearly sending the book spread open across his thighs tumbling to the floor. He glanced up, finding Yifan standing before him, offering him a mug. Junmyeon didn’t have to look to know it was hot chocolate. The air of their apartment was always so frigid once autumn struck. 

“Just some old times,” Junmyeon explained, accepting the mug into his hands. “That’s all.” 

He blew on it for a moment, a habit ingrained into him, as Yifan sat down beside him on their old, battered couch. He took a sip, and stared down at the opened pages of the book. A sum of photographs stared up at him, some yellowed from age, and Junmyeon couldn’t stop himself from smiling. 

There was a simple picture taped inside his scrapbook from kindergarten. His arms were in a near death grip around Yifan’s neck, giving him a big hug, and Yifan’s ears and cheekbones were dusted red in embarrassment. He had been five back then, and had just made a new best friend. 

And here he was, nearly twenty years later, married to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was an intro chapter, and the rest of the fic will be set in the present day x) Hope you guys like it so far! See you in the next update.
> 
> PS, I'm also on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/vicaniyun) and [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/vicaniyun) \- feel free to talk to me!


	2. ii. two

Negative.

Junmyeon frowned down at the pregnancy test he was holding. He stared at it for a long moment, imprinting the little minus sign into his brain, before he at last released a deep sigh. He had to admit, he was disappointed. He and Yifan had been trying for a baby for about a year now and there hadn’t been any success yet. Yifan told him several times that he didn’t need to feel let down whenever the tests came back negative, reminding him that they had plenty of time to have children, but Junmyeon felt bummed about it anyway.

Was there something wrong with him, and that’s why he wasn’t able to get pregnant yet?

“Jun,” Yifan called, his voice deep and crackling, just like it always was when Yifan first woke up in the morning. Junmyeon glanced up then, catching Yifan’s reflection in the mirror. His tall figure was leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom. He yawned, lazily scratching his belly through the material of his nightshirt. “C’mon, I’m gonna make breakfast.”

“I’ll be there in a second,” Junmyeon said, although his feet remained rooted to the floor, unmoving and unwilling to carry his weight. He couldn’t stop staring down at the little stick in his hands, the minus sign seeming to mock him.

Yifan pushed himself upright before padding into the bathroom. He swept over to Junmyeon and snatched the pregnancy test out of Junmyeon’s hands, ignoring the squawk of protest he received. “How many times have I told you to stop taking these so much? You’re going to drive yourself insane at this rate.”

“I just,” Junmyeon started weakly, his voice wavering, “I was just curious.”

Yifan sighed. He leaned over Junmyeon, flicking his wrist to send the test flying into the trash. It reminded Junmyeon of the days when they were still in school when Yifan had been on the basketball team.

“Listen,” Yifan then said, breaking Junmyeon out of his thoughts. His hands reached out to grab Junmyeon’s face, palms cupping the younger man’s cheeks, gentle but firm. Yifan tipped Junmyeon’s head back, just slightly, to look him in the eye. “You need to stop fretting over this. You’re stressing yourself out for no reason. You’re only twenty-four, Junmyeon, you have _tons_ of time to have a baby. There’s no need to rush it.”

Junmyeon didn’t respond to that, unsure of what to say, and his gaze fell. He understood what Yifan was saying, and knew he had a point, but he still felt stressed about the entire ordeal anyway. Was this the so-called biological clock ticking that was making him feel this way?

It was the feeling of Yifan’s lips peppering down his neck that stirred him back to reality. He let out a soft whine, unconsciously tilting his skull sideways to allow Yifan access to more skin. He vaguely felt Yifan smile into his neck, coupled with a soft chuckle, and Junmyeon shuddered, feeling himself already beginning to arch into Yifan’s touch.

If this was Yifan’s form of distraction, well, it was working.

A borderline _whimper_ rose from the depths of his throat when Yifan playfully nipped at the skin where his pulse could be felt pounding away beneath it. “Yifan, please—”

 _Please_ was always the magic word. Junmyeon let out a gasp as Yifan grabbed him by the hips, fingers pressing hard into his skin just above the waistband of his sweatpants. And the next moment, Yifan pushed him, leaving the curve of the bathroom sink digging into Junmyeon’s lower back as Yifan placed a hungry kiss upon his lips.

Not a bad way to start a Sunday morning.

* * *

After graduation, Junmyeon went on to teach. He wound up assigned to kindergarten, which he found a bit ironic, considering that was when he met Yifan for the first time. Sometimes the occupation stressed him out and left him exhausted, as he had an entire class full of little kids to teach and look after, but he loved his job. It was an amazing feeling to him to be such a beneficial part of a child’s life and to be able to help them learn and gain new experiences.

It made his heart warm, knowing he was making a difference to his kids. He adored when they smiled and when they gave his legs tight hugs and when they said they missed him when they all returned to class after the weekend had passed. He was even an adoptive father to some of them who didn’t have the best home life or whose parents worked too much, ad it at times left Junmyeon’s heart too full and his eyes spilling tears, knowing just how big of an influence he was on his group of students.

He also wondered if his and Yifan’s child would grow up to be like some of his students. He taught so many kinds of children in his class, from shy to outgoing to artistic to sporty and everything in between. It made him curious as to what type of personality their child would have.

When he was younger, Junmyeon had been unsure if he wanted to be a parent. There had been a few brief instances where he and Yifan talked about it, usually during discussions when they brought up their thoughts on the future. Yifan had always been full of smiles when the topic came up, never failing to announce that he adored children and that he’d love to be a father.

It left quite a bit of pressure on Junmyeon’s shoulders, especially back then. Yifan desired to be a parent someday and Junmyeon hadn’t been able to decide whether he wanted to be one or not… But if he chose not to, would it put a strain on their marriage, wanting two totally different things and struggling to find a happy medium?

It wasn’t that he didn’t like kids. He was more so worried about himself. Did he have it in him to raise a child? Would he be good enough? Could their relationship handle a child being added? It was a big whirlwind of thoughts and it made him anxious to think about it, so he tried not to dwell on it too much.

Well, that was until his pregnancy scare in university. That one moment opened his mind right back up about the topic and it became a struggle to clear it from his thoughts. It was the same slew of thoughts that had been bothering him for years, fear that he wouldn’t be sufficient or be able to handle it, but the concept of having a baby hadn’t scared him at all.

A few months after the scare, he and Yifan sat down to talk about it.

 _“It’s normal, Junmyeon,” Yifan said, holding one of Junmyeon’s hands in his own and letting his thumb trace comforting circles along the back side. “You have to be logical with this sort of stuff. You have to think about if you can support yourself and the child, if you can give it a good home, if you can raise it properly… It’s normal to be scared. It’s something huge and life-changing. Of_ course _you’re scared.”_

He was still scared, even two years after Yifan had said that. They had mutually agreed to graduate first and then see how they felt about having a child. Wrapped up in a chaotic whirlwind of graduation, paperwork, moving, and job hunting, the topic was swept under the rug for a while. Junmyeon struggled for a handful of months before he at last managed to get his foot in the door at the school.

Becoming a teacher was the turning point for him at last being able to decide about wanting children. He had been working for a few months and he was still twenty-two when he sat Yifan down one night to talk.

_“Do you,” Junmyeon started, voice wavering with nerves, “still want kids, Yifan?”_

_Rather than giving a direct response, Yifan’s eyebrows arched, a puzzled expression on his face. “What brought this on?”_

_Junmyeon swallowed and lowered his gaze, fidgeting and feeling horrendously anxious. “I… I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and I… I want us to have a baby.”_

_The remote control for their old television tumbled from Yifan’s fingers and onto the carpet. He sat up, eyes wide. “What? Are you sure? I mean, Junmyeon, you—”_

_“I was scared. I mean, I’m still scared, but… I know for sure this is what I want,” Junmyeon said, chewing on his lower lip in anxiety. “We both really like children… But I’ve always had this fear about not being good enough to have one. I’ve always been terrified of doing everything wrong, but… I can do it. I know I can do it. I know teaching isn’t exactly the same as raising a child, but I know now that I_ am _capable. I know it’s hard work, that it’s draining, and that I have to be patient… But I know I can do it.”_

_Yifan’s eyes softened. “Junmyeon… You’re positive this is what you want? I don’t want you trying to force this upon yourself only because I want kids.”_

_“I’m one hundred percent sure,” Junmyeon told him, meaning every word. “I think we can do it. I know you’d be an amazing father, Yifan. I’ve seen how you get around my students. You light up every time you visit my classroom to bring me lunch. You practically glow when the kids talk to you and hug you and you’re always so gentle and kind with every single one of them.”_

_And it always made his heart full enough to burst, seeing Yifan playing with his students. Yifan always wore such genuine smiles around his kids, and Junmyeon could tell Yifan was_ happy. _He loved each and every one of them like they were his own and Junmyeon fell deeper in love every time he witnessed it, watching Yifan huddle up on the playmat with them._

_“I mean it,” Junmyeon whispered, feeling Yifan’s hands squeezing tightly around his own, “I want us to have a child.”_

They had started trying for a baby not long after. It felt like an eternity ago to Junmyeon, who was twenty-four now. Unfortunately, no luck yet, and Junmyeon was trying not to grow disappointed. He knew it would be a bit more difficult to get pregnant, being male, but nearly two years with no success? It was frustrating.

“Something on your mind?”

Junmyeon jumped, head obediently swiveling sideways. Minseok sat beside him, offering Junmyeon a puzzled glance. Free from the depths of his thoughts, the roar of the world around him came rushing back to him. He could hear kids laughing and screaming and he stole a glance at the playground, watching his kindergarteners run around with one another.

He leaned back into the bench he was sitting on, trying to get comfortable while his kids played during recess, and he sighed. “Just thinking.”

Minseok hummed. “About the baby?”

Due to being friends for so long, Minseok had the ability to read him like an open book. They had kept in close contact during university, and they now worked at the same elementary school. Junmyeon knew he could never repay Minseok for being such an enormous crutch to him. It was because of Minseok allowing Junmyeon to use him as a referral that he even got the teaching job to begin with, not to mention all the ups and downs they had experienced together. They had seen some seriously ugly sides to each other, from stress-related meltdowns during school, to Junmyeon’s gloomy moments when he grew too bogged down from not having any luck getting pregnant.

Seeing that Junmyeon wasn’t going to respond, Minseok continued. “C’mon, Junmyeon, don’t look so down! There’s still plenty of time. It’ll happen when it’s time for it to happen. There’s a reason for everything.”

“I know. I’m just getting impatient,” Junmyeon admitted with a sigh. “I hope it happens soon…”

“Me too. I know you and Yifan will be over the moon once you finally do get pregnant,” Minseok said, grinning. “I want to be the cool uncle, by the way.”

“Forget that, you can be the godparent if you want,” Junmyeon said, laughing when Minseok’s eyes lit up in excitement.

“Score! I’ll be the best godparent _ever_ ,” Minseok bragged, leaning over to place a hand on Junmyeon’s stomach. “How are you gonna even fit a baby in here, though? Have you _seen_ how slender you are? Talk about body goals.”

Junmyeon busted out laughing then. Minseok always knew just how to cheer him up on a bad day.

* * *

Yifan sighed, hardly heard over the sound of the subway car screeching to a halt. “I’m worried about Junmyeon.”

Squished among the sea of human bodies stuffed into the train from evening rush hour, Yixing gave Yifan a concerned look. “Is he still upset?”

Although Yixing’s time within the city had originally been limited due to being enrolled in their university via the study abroad program, Yifan was relieved when Yixing found a job that allowed him to stay. The two of them had become extremely close throughout university, so Yifan was glad that his friend was still around to talk to and hang out with these days. Their offices were extremely close to one another and it usually left them on the same subway car to commute home.

Yixing knew they were trying to start a family, and that they were having problems doing so. Junmyeon was twenty-five and still no luck yet.

“He went to the doctor last week to see if everything was okay, because he still hasn’t been able to get pregnant,” Yifan explained, “and the doctor said he’s fine. I got tested a while back too, so now we know we don’t have any issues with sterility. I mean, it’s a relief knowing having a child is possible, but it’s frustrating because we can’t figure out why it’s been so hard for him to conceive.”

“He’s blaming himself, isn’t he?” Yixing asked with a sigh.

Yifan glumly nodded. “You know how Junmyeon is. He puts way too much pressure on himself, especially when things don’t go the way he wants them to… He’s been so down lately and keeps saying it’s his fault and asking what’s wrong with him.”

“He’s very hard on himself sometimes,” Yixing agreed. “I think he needs some time to just sit back and relax. He probably has baby on the brain all the time, I mean, he’s a kindergarten teacher for crying out loud. He sees kids nonstop and it’s probably hard on him because he can’t stop thinking about it even if he wants to because it’s all staring him right back in the face.”

“He’s on break with the school soon for summer vacation, so I’m planning on a surprise trip for him,” Yifan said, a small grin pulling at the corner of his lips. “Hopefully getting away for a while will help him calm down and relax, just like you said.”

Yixing gave him a warm smile. “You’re such a nice husband. Junmyeon is so lucky to have you.”

“It’s a mutual feeling. Life would be so dull if I didn’t have him,” Yifan admitted, gums peeking from between his lips as he smiled wider, tightening his grip on his briefcase as he waited for the subway doors to open up for him to get off at his stop. “My mom moving here when I was a kid was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

* * *

After a long struggle, Junmyeon at last began a treatment of fertility medication. The seasons began to change and winter fell upon them. Yifan wasn’t sure if he and Junmyeon had _ever_ slept together so much, even as hormonal teenagers or bored college students. He could tell Junmyeon was getting impatient, and Yifan was trying to give him what he wanted, but there was only so much he could do.

Junmyeon was crying into his shoulder one December evening. Yifan wrapped him up in his arms and hugged him until he was struggling to breathe, and he felt the tears dampening the sleeve of his shirt.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Junmyeon sniveled. Yifan combed his fingers through Junmyeon’s hair, cooing to him softly as he tried to get the younger male to calm down. “We’ve been trying for so _long_ , Yifan, why can’t I get pregnant?”

“It’ll happen when it’s time, probably when we least expect it,” Yifan said softly, peppering Junmyeon’s face with kisses. His heart warmed when Junmyeon let out a small snort of laughter, tears smeared across his cheeks at last drying up. “You need to relax. Stressing yourself out is only going to make it hard on your body, then you’ll have an even more difficult time getting pregnant.”

Junmyeon sighed, letting out a loud sniff as he snuggled down into Yifan’s arms, burrowing his head into the other’s chest. “Why isn’t it time yet? I’m almost twenty-six. We’ve been trying for ages…”

“Well, look on the bright side. You’re on meds now so that will help you out tons,” Yifan hummed, “and this gives us more time to prepare. We can get some more money stored away in the savings account for the baby. We have more time to plan too, we can think more about how we’ll design the nursery and about names and all that fun stuff.”

Junmyeon let out a little noise of acknowledgement. “Do you want a boy or a girl?”

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll love them just the same no matter how they come out,” Yifan said with a smile, tucking his head to steal another kiss from Junmyeon, grinning even wider at the giggle Junmyeon released. Yifan let one hand dip a bit lower to trail over Junmyeon’s hips, fingers brushing over his stomach in the process. “I wonder what you’re gonna look like. I mean, I’ve heard you’ll carry higher or lower depending on if it’s a boy or a girl…”

“I think that’s just an old wives’ tale,” Junmyeon hummed, reaching down too and letting his fingers play with Yifan’s hand, brushing over his wedding ring in the process. He let out a small whine and pressed his forehead a bit deeper into Yifan’s ribcage in frustration. “With your genes, we’re gonna wind up with some jumbo-sized baby that has hands bigger than its own face.”

Yifan practically roared with laughter at that. “A big baby would be a good thing though, because that would mean our child would grow tall like me.”

Junmyeon unhappily narrowed his eyes. “A big baby is a bad thing because it’s my poor insides that will have to lug it around.”

“You’d be adorable though,” Yifan cooed, ignoring Junmyeon’s annoyed grunt as he squeezed him a bit tighter in his free arm. Still choosing to not acknowledge the disbelieving look Junmyeon was giving him, Yifan pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t worry, Junmyeon, I’ll love our baby no matter how disproportionate it is.”

“That’s comforting,” Junmyeon deadpanned dryly, trying to push Yifan’s face away, but failed miserably when Yifan instead ducked his skull to bury his nose into the side of his neck. He could feel Yifan’s hands wandering, sliding up the hem of his shirt, and he whined low in his throat. “Mm—Yifan—"

“Hush,” Yifan murmured, fingers tracing over his abdomen, lips kissing at his jawline. He felt Junmyeon beginning to arch into his touch and he hummed in approval. “Let me give you want you want.”

Junmyeon nodded, voice temporarily gone as he watched Yifan prop himself up on the bed.

“You want a baby?” Yifan asked rhetorically, his hands planting into the mattress on either side of Junmyeon’s skull, caging him with his arms, before capturing his lips in a hungry kiss. It was rough, and Junmyeon was already gasping when Yifan broke away from him, eyes glazing over with desire. Yifan released a sound akin to a purr, breath ghosting over Junmyeon’s lips as he leaned in for another kiss, his voice an animalistic rumble in the back of his throat. “I’ll make you so full that you’ll get _exactly_ what you want.”

* * *

Yifan’s office threw a yearly party around the holidays. Junmyeon tagged along every time. There was free wine and snacks and it was a nice change of pace. He needed the distraction now more than ever. Yifan was right, the whole baby craving fiasco was driving him completely bonkers. He managed to relax for the night thankfully, glued to Yifan’s side and sipping his white wine as he chatted with Yifan’s colleagues. Yifan had rented them a hotel room down the street for the night so they wouldn’t have to worry about getting home in one piece, and Junmyeon woke the next morning to breakfast in bed and Yifan’s kisses.

Heaven, that must have been where he really was.

Or maybe not, since he had still yet to conceive. January came and went and February was halfway over already, with still nothing. They celebrated valentine’s day together and Yifan, for the third year in a row, bought him a massive box of rather pricey chocolates. It was one of Junmyeon’s favorites, a rare treat that he _tried_ to make last, but it never did. Just one, he always told himself, but as soon as he took the first bite, he couldn’t stop.

Yifan was right, it must not have been time yet, because outside of the dilemma of them having issues starting a family, everything else in their lives was going extremely well. Junmyeon had gotten a raise late last year and after the holidays, Yifan was promoted. They attended parties together and had Saturday night video game tournaments with Yixing and Minseok. They took a spring vacation together to the mountains to relax and unwind for a while, stressed from work and the life of the big city. The March air wasn’t nearly as frigid and Junmyeon welcomed spring with open arms.

Well, the only downside to spring was that his birthday was coming soon. Junmyeon tried not to think about it, but that was hard to do when he was watching the weeks spiral down the drain. It was even more difficult when he was teaching kindergarteners. The calendar was something they went over as a group on a daily basis.

Pretty soon, it was May. He knew Yifan was a year older than him, but still, he felt ancient anyway when his birthday rolled around at the end of the month. He found himself sitting across from Yifan, having his picture taken, surrounded by his friends as the flames of the candles painted shapes upon their coffee table.

 _I already have everything I could ever want,_ Junmyeon thought to himself. The little blobs of fire danced back and forth, and Junmyeon suddenly felt the urge to cry, knowing how badly he had been dreaming for one specific thing to happen in his life. _The only thing that’s missing is—_

He blew out the candles.

_I want Yifan and I to have a child._

* * *

It was summer.

Junmyeon always woke up a hot and sticky mess, drenched in sweat from the already emerging summer heat. It was at times like these that he hated how Yifan was the cuddly type when he was asleep. He had lost count of how many times Yifan’s body heat woke him up and launched him into a miserable state of dripping sweat everywhere.

When he woke up that Tuesday, he was sweating, and nauseated.

He cracked open his eyes. The bed was empty. He could hear pots and pans rattling in the kitchen, signaling Yifan was making breakfast before they had to get ready for work, just like he always did. Junmyeon squinted against the morning sunlight straining between their curtains, and, just like he did every morning, he started to sit up.

The nausea suddenly magnified and there was bile in his throat and he was mere seconds away from vomiting.

He went tumbling out of bed. He stumbled all over himself in the process of running out of their bedroom, stumbling across the hall and barely making it into the bathroom. He didn’t have time to worry about shutting the door, already crashing onto his knees and puking his guts out. It had been _years_ since he had felt so ill, and he was sure the last time he had thrown up like this was when he had chugged down too many shots at that college party when he was twenty-one.

Panting pathetically, he let his cheek rest on the seat for a moment as he tried to gather his breath. His head was swimming and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his stomach still rolling like crazy. He closed his eyes. Why did he feel so weak and sick?

“Junmyeon?” he vaguely heard Yifan’s voice from behind him, but he didn’t have it in him to turn around to look. He heard Yifan’s footsteps crossing the bathroom, and then felt Yifan’s hand resting on his upper back. “Junmyeon, you’re so _pale—”_

“Yifan,” Junmyeon slurred, his vision wobbling. He heard Yifan fumbling around behind him, the opening and closing of cabinet doors, the sound of running water. And the next moment, there was the dampness of a cool cloth smoothing over his forehead, mopping away the sweat that coated his skin. “I don’t feel good.”

“Seeing that you just puked your guts up, yeah, I can tell,” Yifan worriedly murmured, his brow pinched inward with concern. With Junmyeon still huddled on the floor, curled into himself, Yifan leaned over to flush the toilet for him. “Can you stand?”

He was sure that he could if he forced himself to try, but Junmyeon didn’t even want to risk it, unsure if moving around was going to make him feel queasier. When he didn’t move, he felt Yifan’s arms around him, carefully maneuvering him around for a moment before at last sliding a strong arm underneath the curve of his knees, and began to lift him. Junmyeon’s head immediately flopped over against Yifan’s chest, not even bothering to argue as Yifan carried him bridal style back to their bedroom.

“I wonder if you caught something from someone in your class,” Yifan muttered, mostly to himself as he gently deposited Junmyeon back onto the mattress. Junmyeon was only half-listening, dizzy and just wanting to go back to sleep. Yifan pulled the blanket over him. “I’ll call the school and let them know they’ll need to find a substitute for your class today… I think I’ll stay home with you until you’re feeling better. You really don’t look well.”

“Yifan, I’m sick, not dying. You have that big meeting today, you _have_ to go to work,” Junmyeon said. “I’ll be fine. Like you said, I probably just picked up a bug from the school. I’ll just take it easy for today and if I’m feeling any worse later, I’ll go to the doctor. Okay?”

Yifan paused for a long moment, before he finally sighed. “Alright. It’s a deal. But it won’t stop me from worrying. I’ll call you later to see how you’re feeling.”

Yifan kissed his forehead and albeit with hesitation, finished getting ready for work and left to catch his train. Their home was quiet. Junmyeon curled up on his side like he always did and closed his eyes, trying to will away the nausea and instead focus on trying to catch up on sleep.

It took a while, but he succeeded. He woke up later, still feeling a bit queasy and tired, but at least it wasn’t unbearable like it had been earlier. He carefully crawled out of bed, heading into the kitchen to try to eat a late breakfast. Unsure if he’d be able to keep anything heavy down after feeling ill and throwing up, he settled on some toast and, after texting Yifan that he was feeling a little better, he shuffled back into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He stared at himself in the mirror. Yifan was right, he really did look pale today. Must have been from the severe nausea, he reasoned, and that thought made him frown. Why was he feeling sick, anyway? Sure, it did sound logical that maybe he had caught something from his kindergarteners, but every time they had gotten him sick, it was never like this. He always felt a bit gross the night before, lost his appetite, or came down with a fever. Never before in his life had he gone to bed feeling fine then woke up the next morning feeling like he was about to die. So what was the problem? He had never felt like this before.

Staring at his reflection, Junmyeon’s mind began to wander, and he suddenly stopped brushing as a thought hit him. His free hand went for the top drawer, and he pulled it open, looking down at the box of pregnancy tests.

Was he…?

He laughed around his toothbrush, though there was no humor in it. He and Yifan had been trying for ages to have a baby, and he doubted he’d magically be having one out of nowhere. Yifan was right, it was probably just a stomach bug he picked up at the elementary school. He spit out his toothpaste and shook his head, trying to will it all away from his mind, but his eyes kept straying to the box of tests anyway.

He caved, and took one out of the box.

It would wind up negative just like it always did. Junmyeon knew it. He took the test and left it in the bathroom to process. It only took a couple minutes, but Junmyeon simply left it there and busied himself with a few other things, not wanting to face another round of disappointment. He made himself some tea and managed to bite down some crackers before he at last came back into the bathroom to face yet another failure.

He sighed and picked up the pregnancy test. It was always negative. Every single time. He and Yifan were trying so hard but no matter what they did, Junmyeon could never—

There was a plus sign staring up at him.

Junmyeon blinked once, then twice, and then the little stick tumbled from his fingers and hit the tiled floor of the bathroom. His mind was suddenly reeling. It had to be wrong. It was just a false positive, right?

Not bothering to pick up the one he had dropped, Junmyeon practically sprinted out of the bathroom and skidded back into the kitchen to get himself some water.

It took way longer than he had hoped, but he finally managed to get himself hydrated enough to do another round of tests. His hands were shaking as he laid the assortment of little sticks out on a towel, biting his nails as he waited for them to read. He was antsy, bouncing slowly from foot to foot before beginning to pace around the bathroom.

Three minutes later, and Junmyeon found himself staring at three little plus signs.

He screamed. His legs gave out, and with his back braced against the vanity, Junmyeon slid to the floor. He was completely shell-shocked, sitting there on the bathroom rug, tears flooding his eyes and pouring down his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around his middle and sobbed uncontrollably, his heart swelling with an overwhelming amount of happiness and joy, his cheeks stretched in a smile.

After four years of trying, his dream was finally coming true.

* * *

Junmyeon stood in the bathroom, holding up the hem of his shirt with one hand. He squinted at his reflection. He didn’t think he looked any different. He traced a hand over his stomach. He couldn’t see anything, but he could _feel_ something. He still looked the same as always, but if he pressed down hard enough, he could feel the tiniest bit of a swell starting to form beneath his fingertips. He couldn’t tell if he was just bloated or if he was starting to gain actual weight, but either way, it made him smile.

It had been a few days since he had gotten his positive test results, but he hadn’t told Yifan the big news just yet. He did feel guilty about it, knowing that he was hiding such a massive event from his husband, but he wanted it to be a surprise.

Well, he wouldn’t be able to hide the news for much longer anyway. He was going to get bigger eventually and he was still nauseated daily. Yifan, still thinking Junmyeon had come down with some kind of nasty stomach flu from the school, was constantly urging him to go to the doctor. It was growing more and more difficult for Junmyeon to wave away his concerns. He had gone back to work despite Yifan telling him not to, and with his morning sickness always hitting him hardest in the early hours of the day, it was a bit of a challenge. He was trying to rewire his body, and he was having a little bit of success. He managed to swallow it all down until he left for work, but that was usually when the nausea spiked. The jerky nature of the train didn’t help him any and he had already started to lose count of how many times he stepped off the subway car and barely made it to the restroom to puke his guts out. Thankfully, he and Yifan were on different subway lines for their morning commute, so at least Yifan didn’t have to see him throwing up every morning like that, otherwise he knew Yifan would be even more worried than he already was.

“Junmyeon,” Yifan called from across the house, “you ready to go?”

Right. It was Sunday. The school was closed for the day so Junmyeon didn’t have to teach. Yifan was off of work too, and, with their lives being so busy, neither of them had the opportunity to see their friends very much outside of work hours. Between that, and wanting to tell the others about how he was now expecting a child, Junmyeon asked Yifan if he would be up for the idea of the four of them hanging out over the weekend. Yifan had been hesitant, voicing his concerns that Junmyeon shouldn’t be going anywhere if he didn’t need to, that his health was still a bit rocky, but Junmyeon did his best to calm his worries.

_“If I was contagious, you would’ve caught it from me already. I’m okay,” Junmyeon urged, giving Yifan one of his trademark pouts that he knew his husband could never resist. “I’m fine enough to go to work, so I must be fine enough to hang out with our friends too, right? Please?”_

Yifan had paused for a total of five seconds, before he sighed, and agreed.

The good news was, since they didn’t leave until lunchtime, his morning sickness was already gone for the time being. If the train didn’t jerk him around too much, he’d be alright. There were some seats open, so that did help; he usually felt queasier if he had to stand during the ride. Regardless, he was thankful he made the trip in one piece, as he really didn’t want Yifan to see him dash into the toilets to throw up. Together, they stepped off the train, and, hand in hand, headed for the stairs to head up to the street.

With it being summer, it was grossly hot, and Junmyeon was thankful that he was starting his pregnancy now so that he wouldn’t be stuck in such temperatures later on when he was bigger. His free hand absently drifted to his stomach then, and he was thankful that Yifan didn’t comment on it, assuming Junmyeon was just feeling queasy. But it was more than that, and he couldn’t fight back the smile that pulled at his lips. It felt unreal, knowing there was a child slowly growing inside him, after such a long struggle.

 _Their_ child.

* * *

“I’m so glad you’re feeling a bit better today,” Minseok said, sitting across from Junmyeon. Yixing, perched beside Minseok, nodded in agreement. “You’ve always been so pale and clammy when you came into work this week. You really should’ve taken a couple more days off than you actually did.”

Yifan, beside him at their table of four, let out a sigh. “I tried to tell him to stay home a while longer if he wasn’t feeling well, but you know he’s a bit hardheaded.”

“I must have picked that up from you,” Junmyeon said, stabbing into his salad. Yifan just rolled his eyes, and Junmyeon let out a snort of laughter. “Don’t even try it. Even when we were kids, if you decided on something, no one could talk you out of it.”

“You guys are such dweebs,” Minseok teased, and everyone laughed at that, knowing he had a point.

It was nice. The four of them talked and laughed and it was a good change of pace, considering they all had lives and busy schedules and didn’t see each other as often as they liked. When everyone’s food came out of the kitchen, Junmyeon was the one to lug out his cell phone and made everyone wait to eat so that he could snap a quick photo of the dishes. No one cared, though; it was just a habit Junmyeon had ingrained in him. He was the one who had a full to bursting scrapbook at home and a social media page full of cute, cheesy pictures of food and landscapes and plants from wherever he went.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, at least not quite yet.

They ate in peace, and per Junmyeon’s and Minseok’s suggestion, they picked out a dessert to share afterwards. Yixing was talking about his latest project at work when their order came out to the table. Minseok was whining for him to hurry up, as Junmyeon was, once again, taking a photo before anyone was allowed to have a bite.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Junmyeon then commented. He hadn’t. He had merely been putting it off for his plan, but now was the perfect time. “We didn’t take a picture together like we normally do.”

No one bothered to argue. It was tradition for them, that every time they hung out, Junmyeon took a picture of them all together. It wasn’t uncommon for several copies to start floating around, online and at home for his scrapbook and at work to be pinned at his desk. And so, the sound of moving chairs began. Chair legs scraped across the floor as everyone shuffled around to get closer together. Junmyeon watched the three all squish themselves around one side of the table while Junmyeon sat on the other side, one arm already rising to take a selfie of the four of them.

Junmyeon leaned back to fit everyone in the frame. No one noticed his thumb briefly hitting the bottom of his phone to switch over from camera mode to video.

“Ready?” he asked, failing to hold back the smile forming across his face. Everyone was posing, thinking Junmyeon was about to take a photo, and then, Junmyeon blurted out his secret. “One, two… Everyone say ‘I’m pregnant’.”

Time stood still. For a brief moment, the three men looked perplexed, before Junmyeon’s words slowly began to sink into their heads. Minseok dropped the spoon he had been holding. Yixing’s hand, previously held up into a peace sign, fell right onto the table, as if he had forgotten how to control his limbs. Their mouths fell open. Yifan, on the end, was completely frozen, his eyes widening in shock as he began to understand. It hit him with no mercy and Junmyeon watched his eyes suddenly flood with tears as he buried his face into his hands.

“You’re _pregnant?!”_ Minseok screamed, forgetting they were in a public, indoor setting as he shoved his chair back to leap to his feet. Junmyeon couldn’t stop himself anymore, laughing and nodding as he switched off his phone and threw it onto the table. “Since _when?!”_

“You really are?” Yixing asked, still seated but looking just as bewildered. “I mean, congrats, I’m just—I had no idea—”

And neither had Yifan, who at last dared himself to lower his hands. Junmyeon stood up, circling around the table to get to his husband, who was sitting there crying uncontrollably. His eyes were wet and already fighting to turn red, and he hiccupped as Junmyeon came to stand beside him.

“You’re—You’re having a baby? I’m—I’m gonna be a _dad?_ ” he gritted out, and it was scratchy and broken from crying. He hiccupped, tears rolling down his cheeks as he watched Junmyeon nod eagerly in response, and the dam broke, leaving Yifan sitting there a complete mess, sobbing his eyes out as he reached out for Junmyeon. Junmyeon shuffled closer, arms already extending to accept the offer of a hug, and Yifan burrowed himself into Junmyeon immediately, sinking into his welcoming arms and stuffing his face into Junmyeon’s shirt. “I’m so—God, I’m so happy—You’re _finally—”_

Junmyeon didn’t care that people were staring. It was bound to happen, as the four of them had made a ton of commotion, but that was the last thing on his mind. He shushed Yifan gently, a hand smoothing over his upper back as he tried to calm him down.

“It’s alright, Yifan,” Junmyeon cooed softly, rubbing Yifan’s back for another moment before at last allowing his fingers to comb through the man’s hair. Yifan’s entire body was trembling with his crying, and he jerked as another harsh hiccup tore out of his throat. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you everyone for their support for this fic so far, it really means a lot!


	3. iii. three

Junmyeon was thankful that he had told the others about the baby when he did, because he didn’t think he’d be able to hide his pregnancy for much longer. He was starting to gain more weight. It seemed like with every passing day, his belly got just a bit bigger, and it wasn’t long before he had the smallest bit of a curve to his lower abdomen. It wasn’t enough yet to see through his clothes, but he could see it when he stood topless in their bathroom and stared at his reflection.

Of course, he had instantly ran into the bedroom to show Yifan once he noticed it, watching Yifan’s eyes light up in happiness as he reached out to trace over it with curious fingers. It looked bigger when he was standing, but when he crawled into bed with Yifan that night, it seemed to vanish entirely, melting into his body as he remained sprawled out on his back.

“I just can’t believe it,” Yifan commented. Junmyeon had his shirt bunched up around his chest and he let out a sudden laugh when Yifan nosed down his side, pressing kisses along the skin of his abdomen. “There’s an actual baby growing in your belly right now.”

“It’s not just a baby. It’s _ours_ ,” Junmyeon emphasized, a hand reaching up to rub comfortingly down Yifan’s forearm. “We _made_ this baby, Yifan.”

“I know. It’s crazy. It took us forever, but we finally created one.” Yifan grinned and then laughed softly, ducking his head to press a kiss to Junmyeon’s lips. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve ever been this happy. I wonder how far along you are.”

“I’m not sure. I’ll have to set up the ultrasound appointment this week,” Junmyeon murmured, hands threading through Yifan’s hair as he pulled him down for another kiss.

Yifan grinned as he laid down next to Junmyeon on their bed, one palm reaching out to trace experimentally over Junmyeon’s middle. “That’s going to be the coolest thing. We’ll actually get to see it… Man, I wonder what it’s gonna look like. I hope it looks like you, _especially_ for the eyes. And the cheeks. You know what, let it look just like you but with my height and it’ll be the most perfect baby on the face of the earth.”

“If it develops long legs like yours, then I’m definitely a goner, because it’s probably gonna just kick a hole right through me,” Junmyeon joked, smiling when Yifan released a snort of laughter. “You don’t want it to look like you?”

“Like I said before, no matter how it looks when it comes out, I’ll be happy. It’s my child. I’ll love it no matter what,” Yifan said, and Junmyeon’s heart fluttered at those words. He had always known marrying Yifan had been a good decision. “Plus, you’re cuter than me. Any baby that takes after you is automatically gonna be the cutest baby ever. The next one can look like me instead.”

“Next one?” Junmyeon echoed, blinking in surprise. He furrowed his eyebrows and gave Yifan a playful smack on the shoulder. “We haven’t even had this one yet! How can you already be thinking of another baby?”

Yifan let out an overdramatic, scandalized gasp and held a hand over his heart. “How can you not? I can’t believe you don’t want our child to have a sibling! It’s going to grow up with only child syndrome like I have and become whiny and clingy!”

“Oh, so now you’re admitting to being a big whiny baby, like I’ve been trying to tell you for years?” Junmyeon asked, his lips quirking upwards in a smile.

“It’s your own fault for falling for my schemes. If I whine enough, you always give me what I want,” Yifan teased back, “and I need to be clingy, it’s part of my survival. You think this big frame can stay warm on its own without warm cuddles to fuel it? Absolutely not.”

Junmyeon laughed. “You’re such a dork, but I love you anyway.”

“I love you more,” Yifan said, capturing Junmyeon’s lips in another kiss. When he pulled away, he ducked his head, slipping down to Junmyeon’s waist to place a peck on his belly. “And you, too, little one.”

* * *

It may have been a bit early for his first ultrasound, but Junmyeon and Yifan both agreed that it was for the best to get a head start. It was their first child and they wanted to be prepared. Plus, they had no idea when Junmyeon was due or how far along he was, so it would be a good first step.

Junmyeon couldn’t hold back a sigh of relief when he laid on the bed and unbuttoned his jeans. Everything felt like it was getting tighter on him. That, on its own, scared him a little. Wasn’t it too early for him to be fighting to get his pants fastened?

He stole a quick glance down at himself as he worked on tucking the little towel the technician gave him into his garments so the gel wouldn’t stain his clothes. Well, it wasn’t really a shocker his pants were getting to be a struggle. His stomach was definitely bigger compared to when he first told Yifan and the others that he was pregnant. Nothing crazy yet, but he could see a difference. He was starting to wonder how much longer it would be before other people would start noticing too.

Regardless, he tried to clear his head. Yifan held his hand, which Junmyeon appreciated, feeling a weird mesh of excitement, fear, and happiness all at once after the technician got started. He was thankful that Yifan had agreed to photograph and record the procedure for him; Junmyeon never wanted to forget this moment.

Once the monitor stationed next to his bed flickered to life, he felt Yifan’s hand tighten around his. It was a bit odd, a mesh of squiggles and gray mixed with white. But he could see something else too, and it was a little black blob with a small, white shape within it.

Yifan’s voice was strained, and when Junmyeon glanced over at him, he could see tears in his eyes. “That’s our baby, Junmyeon.”

He was right. Junmyeon grinned so hard his cheeks ached, letting Yifan hold his hand tightly. The technician began to point things out to them as she moved the probe over Junmyeon’s stomach, and he found himself tearing up too. The shape of the head, the start of little arms and legs, the umbilical cord, and they could even see the heart beating.

“Let’s take a listen,” the technician told them, and Junmyeon held his breath, not wanting to miss it. “Just a second here…”

A few more taps on the machine, and Junmyeon heard it. It was the sound of a heartbeat, and it was then Yifan lost his composure, starting to cry next to him as he listened, his phone jerking in his free hand as he struggled to hold still. Junmyeon squeezed Yifan’s hand tighter, tears brimming in his eyes as he tried to memorize the sound of it. That was their baby’s heartbeat. It felt like a dream. Four long, hard years, and at long last, here they were. They made it.

Junmyeon choked on a sob and began to cry too.

It was a long appointment, but time seemed to fly by for the two of them. After the ultrasound, he still had a few more doctor sessions to go through. He sat down with someone else to talk about nutrition and medications, went over his urine results, and finally, after a round of bloodwork, the two of them walked outside.

Before Junmyeon had the chance to speak, Yifan whirled around to face him, and, with his hands suddenly shooting up to grab Junmyeon’s cheeks, he crushed the two of them together in a sudden, yet loving kiss. It made Junmyeon’s eyes widen for a moment, before he relaxed, his fingers grabbing the back of Yifan’s t-shirt as he kissed him in return.

“I’m so happy,” Yifan whispered against his mouth, pulling away just enough to let his forehead rest against Junmyeon’s own, his hands sliding down Junmyeon’s back and coming to rest on his hips. “I love you both so _much.”_

Junmyeon smiled, reaching down between them to guide Yifan’s hand inward, letting it rest on his stomach. It was too early to know if it was a boy or a girl, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that as far as everyone could tell, their baby was healthy. Eight weeks down, with many more to go, but Junmyeon was looking forward to it. His first trimester would be done soon, and the nausea would hopefully lessen then, and, of course, their baby would grow larger.

He reached down to rest one hand on top of Yifan’s, his heart aching in his chest, feeling too full and too warm from excitement and joy. They even had a due date now – March fifth – and Junmyeon grinned even wider.

He couldn’t wait for spring.

* * *

“I’m so happy for you,” Minseok said, all smiles as he stood with Junmyeon in the classroom. The kids had gone home already and Junmyeon had decided to stay a little bit late to work on some lesson plans. He was always exhausted these days from all of his energy going into growing a child and it was one of the rare moments he had energy, so he wanted to take advantage of it. Minseok had stopped by and the two of them were chatting about the baby. “And Yifan too. I know you’re both ecstatic. How did the appointment go? I know you said in your text that you wanted to tell me about it in person.”

“It was _amazing._ I got Yifan to take a ton of photos and videos for me. Here, let me show you,” Junmyeon said, already fumbling around for his phone. “It’ll be here early March. I’m so excited! Yifan too, he’s been gushing nonstop ever since the scan last week that we need to start planning on what to buy, even though it’s still crazy early.”

Minseok took a peek at the photo of the ultrasound and beamed. “It looks so little and cute! It’s like you have a baby bean in there.”

“Starts out as a bean and I’ll wind up with a whole plant,” Junmyeon joked, the two of them laughing before Junmyeon rested a hand on his stomach. “They said everything is fine and that it’s healthy, but… I don’t know, maybe it’s because I was pretty much pencil thin before I got pregnant, but I’m already swelling up like crazy. I can’t tell if it’s bloating or actual weight but I can’t even get my regular pants on anymore. I’m already in maternity pants and I had to switch over to some of my baggier shirts because I don’t want the entire teaching staff asking me if I’ve gained weight…”

“I think Yifan jinxed you when he said he hopes you have a big baby,” Minseok teased, reaching out to lay his hand on Junmyeon’s tummy. “You’re growing to grow up big and strong, aren’t you?”

“It can’t hear you yet,” Junmyeon said with a laugh.

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll coo over it anyway,” Minseok replied simply, patting the little swell gently. “Uncle Minseok already knows you’re gonna be the cutest little thing ever.”

“I doubt it’s going to be little. Have you seen the size of me already?” Junmyeon asked rhetorically. “I think Yifan was right, it’s going to take after his height.”

“I think that’d be cute. It’ll be your little baby, but when it grows up, it can be tall like Yifan and take care of you,” Minseok said with a warm smile. “It’s not even my kid and I’m psyched! I’m totally down to babysit anytime you need me.”

“I appreciate it,” Junmyeon replied, “we’re newbies. We have no idea what we’re doing. All I’m hoping for is a healthy kid and that we don’t screw the poor thing up somehow.”

“You won’t. No one is perfect, but you and Yifan love that kid to death already,” Minseok murmured, “I already know you two will be amazing parents.”

Just like that, there were tears in his eyes. He sniffed, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

Stupid hormones.

* * *

Junmyeon didn’t really mind being pregnant; the annoyances were more of the side effects. After all, the devil was in the details.

For example, Yifan had always cooked the two of them breakfast in the mornings before they had to get ready for work. When his morning sickness started, Yifan had to mix up the routine a bit, because the smell of food cooking first thing after he woke up made Junmyeon puke. Even after his morning sickness slowed down in the evenings, Yifan couldn’t cook certain foods with Junmyeon in the house, or the nausea would come right back for more. He was _so_ sensitive to smells. Even when they stepped off the subway and headed outside, the smell of someone smoking a cigarette even yards away left him gagging.

He was having mood swings. Higher highs, and lower lows. Yifan hadn’t been sure of what to do the first time Junmyeon burst out in tears in front of him, thinking he was in distress, and it didn’t click until after the episode blew over that it was just Junmyeon’s hormones being out of whack.

He was getting food cravings too. Junmyeon had always been the more structured, healthier eater out of the two of them, as far back as they could remember. Meal plans and weekly prep, with a balance of protein and vegetables, had always been his thing, and it floored Yifan to hear Junmyeon whining that he wanted cake right before bed. One week, the big cravings were strawberries, chocolate, and milk. The next, it was cheese dip and lemons. It spooked Yifan a little, not knowing what to expect next, and he was hoping his husband wouldn’t get any of the _weird_ cravings. He wasn’t sure if his stomach could handle it if things got too crazy.

 His coworkers knew. Junmyeon had come home pouting about it, and Yifan managed to bite his tongue and not tell Junmyeon to his face he thought it was cute that he was getting so huffy over his colleagues asking him if he was pregnant or not. Maybe if he had more body fat it would have been easier to hide, but the fact Junmyeon had been small and extremely skinny before getting pregnant, well, it was literally impossible for him to hide when his stomach popped out and rounded.

But other than all that and Junmyeon’s overactive bladder, things were going well, and Yifan was happy. Junmyeon was in overall good spirits and, although that also brought Yifan some peace of mind, seeing Junmyeon getting bigger made him even happier. He had been very fussy after the ultrasound, worried that he’d somehow have a miscarriage or that the baby wouldn’t grow enough, but seeing his stomach get larger seemed to soothe away most of his worries. It was proof that their baby was doing alright.

Well, for the most part.

“You don’t think it’s too big?” Junmyeon whined, holding up his shirt with his hands as he glanced over at Yifan, who was standing next to him in the bathroom, brushing his teeth to get ready for bed.

“They said you’re fine, Jun,” Yifan replied sleepily, spitting his toothpaste into the sink.

Junmyeon’s lower lip jutted out into a pout. “And they also said I’ve gotten a lot bigger since the last time they saw me.”

“You’re supposed to get bigger, Junmyeon. It means the baby is growing,” Yifan said calmly. Aside from the hormones being all over the place and the mood swings, he knew Junmyeon was feeling extremely self-conscious, even if he wouldn’t admit it. His husband had always been small, so to suddenly be lugging around a swollen midsection was probably extremely weird for him. “You heard the doctor; the baby is just fine.”

It was September. Junmyeon had gone in that morning for another scan, and of course, Yifan tagged along. Yifan hadn’t been blind to the way the technician stared at Junmyeon for a long moment in puzzled silence. It made sense; Junmyeon was only sixteen weeks and his belly was _extremely_ noticeable. Yifan had started to wonder if it was normal or not too, especially after the technician made that offhand comment about how Junmyeon had grown quite a bit. Not the nicest thing to say, but Yifan could understand where she was coming from.

_“Are you sure I’m okay?” Junmyeon asked, wiping the remaining gel off of his tummy before working on pulling his pants back up. He had started complaining that he was too fat for anything but elastic waisted pants, but Yifan found them cute on him. “I just feel huge already.”_

But he was trying not to worry. The scan went fine. Their baby was growing nicely and aside from Junmyeon’s size, there weren’t any other lingering concerns. His blood pressure was in good standing and his hormones weren’t too high. In a few weeks, they could come back for another scan for measuring the anatomy and would be able to find out the gender of their child. Yifan was ecstatic to hear that.

Yifan yawned and set down his toothbrush. He wrangled Junmyeon up into his arms, guiding him toward the bedroom so they could go to bed.

“Yifan,” Junmyeon piped up, as the two of them shuffled towards their room. Wedged in Yifan’s arms, he couldn’t walk properly, instead having to resort to an awkward scuttle to keep himself in tune with Yifan’s strides and to not get stepped on. “Are you sure I’m okay?”

“You’re fine, Junmyeon,” Yifan said, his voice sleepy but patient and loving. Standing next to the bed, he finally let Junmyeon go, gently grabbing him by the arms to turn him around so that Junmyeon could face him properly. “You need to relax, okay? Stop fretting so much.”

There it was again, that pout that always turned Yifan’s insides to mush. Junmyeon let out a small huff of annoyance and let his gaze fall to his belly. “It’s just…”

Yifan quietly shushed him. “Stop worrying about it. The doctor already said you’re fine. I know this is probably scary to you, and I’m scared too, but everything is going to be okay.”

Junmyeon hesitated for a long moment before he at last nodded. He was biting at his lower lip and Yifan could tell he wasn’t totally convinced, but at least he was trying to understand what Yifan was saying.

Sighing softly, Yifan reached out and rested a hand on Junmyeon’s stomach. It was definitely bigger than before. Junmyeon was finally out of the awkward ‘are you pregnant or just chubby’ stage and even though it was still pretty early, Yifan was happy to see it. Aside from it being proof their child was developing properly, Yifan had to admit, Junmyeon looked ridiculously cute with his growing baby bump.

“Everything is going to be okay,” Yifan repeated, watching Junmyeon tear up at those words as he brought over a hand to rest it on top of Yifan’s own. “It’s alright to be afraid, but we can do this, and we’ll do it together.”

After a few shed tears, and a round of warm hugs, the two of them crawled into bed. Yifan let Junmyeon get into bed first before clambering in himself. Yifan immediately snuggled next to him, burrowing down under the covers and letting his chest press up against Junmyeon’s back. He tossed an arm over his husband and smiled absently as he felt the firm roundness of Junmyeon’s belly under his palm. He wiggled a bit, and dragged the ones he loved the most closer to him, as his eyes slipped shut.

* * *

“Mister Fan!”

Junmyeon laughed as he watched his kindergarteners charge at Yifan, swarming his long legs with their little arms and big hugs. Yifan allowed them all to call him _Fan_ , as it was a little easier for them to pronounce.

“Hi guys!” Yifan grinned, clutching some bags in his hands as he glanced down at the group of kids crowded around him. “Wow, you’re all getting so tall! When was the last time I saw you?”

Junmyeon loved it when Yifan came to visit his class. The kids always put Yifan in a great mood and the children adored him. It was a win-win for everyone.

“Mister Fan, how come you came today?” one of the boys asked him, tugging on Yifan’s pants. “Are you gonna play with us?”

“I came by because I wanted to have lunch with mister Kim,” Yifan said with a big smile. Well, that was a partial truth. Sure, Yifan loved meeting Junmyeon for lunch, and when he had planned to, Junmyeon had texted him on the way over and asked if Yifan could pick him up a few things he was craving. “You guys have lunch soon, right? Let’s all eat first then we can play together.”

The kids agreed, much to Junmyeon’s relief. He couldn’t wait until lunch though. He was _starving_. With his nausea mostly gone, his appetite was soaring through the roof, and he was able to smell things again. Getting off the train and smelling fast food or something from a bakery would leave his stomach rumbling. It was like he was constantly hungry no matter how much he ate and just couldn’t _stop_ eating.

He took the takeout bags from Yifan and, though he tried to hide it from his kindergarteners, they did catch him stealing some fries out of the bag. That was one of his massive cravings for the week. All he wanted was fries, apple juice, and whipped cream. It didn’t even have to be whipped cream _on_ anything. Yifan had walked into the kitchen several times over the course of the week to find Junmyeon eating it right out of the can.

“Mister Kim, it’s not lunchtime yet! You can’t eat lunch yet,” one of his kids whined.

“It’s okay!” someone else said, “he’s having a baby, remember? The baby must be really hungry.”

Yifan quirked a curious eyebrow, currently sitting on the floor with the kids while Junmyeon hurriedly shoveled some more fries into his mouth while they were still warm. “You guys know that mister Kim is having a baby?”

“Uh-huh! He told us today. He said his tummy is getting bigger because there’s a baby in there,” a few of the children said at once, all trying to talk over one another. “He said that tomorrow he’s gonna find out if it’s a girl or boy!”

“He’s right. The doctor has a cool machine to help see what’s in his tummy, so we’ll be able to tell then what kind of baby mister Kim is having. Do you guys think mister Kim is having a boy or a girl?” Yifan asked, smiling when the children all started bickering, trying to take a jab at what they thought was correct. Junmyeon, sitting at his desk and chugging his bottle of apple juice, couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, c’mon guys, you don’t need to argue about it. Even if it’s a girl or a boy, it’s really cool that mister Kim is having a baby.”

“Mister Fan, when will the baby come out?”

“The baby will be here in March. It will come out once it gets too big for his tummy,” Yifan explained, and Junmyeon’s heart was warm, watching his husband interact with his kindergarteners. Yifan was wonderful with children. Yifan was _meant_ to be a father. That thought only made him grin harder as he rested his free hand on his swollen midsection. “Mister Kim and I are _really_ happy and excited to meet the baby, because we’ve been wanting to have a baby for a long time. A _very_ long time. Almost as long as its been since you guys were born!”

There were some gasps. “That’s a _long_ time, mister Fan!”

“I know, right? This is why mister Kim tells you that it’s important to be patient. If you stay patient, good things will happen eventually.” Yifan smiled. “Did mister Kim ever tell you guys how we first met? We met when we were very little. We were in kindergarten, just like you guys, when we met!”

One of the boys squinted at Yifan. “Mister Fan, you’re so tall. There’s no way you used to be little.”

“I was! I was teeny tiny. Mister Kim used to be taller than me. That’s how little I was,” Yifan said with a teasing grin, fluttering his eyelashes playfully at Junmyeon. “When I was little like you guys, my mom and I moved here from China. You guys know China, right? Well, when we moved here, I was really scared. Everything was different and I didn’t know anyone. Mister Kim and I sat beside each other at school and he was very nice to me. I liked him a lot. And then, after we talked for a while, we became best friends.”

“So how did you guys end up married?” the girl sitting beside Yifan asked curiously.

“That’s a very good question! You see, when I got older, I realized I liked mister Kim a whole, whole bunch. When we were much older than you guys are right now, we started to hang out together. I once even gave mister Kim a kiss—”

“Ew, mister Fan, you can’t do that!” a few kids shrieked, “that’s how you get cooties!”

“It’s okay, I got lucky! I didn’t catch the cooties,” Yifan said, puffing out his chest in pride. “But that’s how I met mister Kim. When we became adults, I realized I loved him very, very much. We got married because we were in love with each other and wanted to be together forever. And then—”

“Mister Kim, are you crying?”

Yifan immediately stopped telling his story when one of the kids said that. Sitting on the floor with the group of kindergarteners, he twisted around to glance back at Junmyeon. And sure enough, Junmyeon was sitting at his desk with tears dripping down his face. Yifan knew Junmyeon was crying a lot lately because of his hormones, but even so, every time he watched Junmyeon cry, it made his heart ache anyway.

“I’m crying, but it’s okay. Everyone cries. I’m just crying because I’m really happy.” Junmyeon let out a pathetic snivel and wiped his face with the back of his hand, not bothering to try to hide it from his class. “It always makes me really happy whenever mister Fan says he loves me a lot. I’m really lucky that I met him when I was little.”

Yifan smiled at that, heaving himself off the floor and walking across the room to comfort his lover. He offered Junmyeon a hug, which was gladly accepted, and Junmyeon hiccupped into Yifan’s chest as he snuggled down into his arms. Yifan offered him some tissues and the two just hugged it out, letting Junmyeon’s emotional roller coaster come to a stop on its own.

Yifan wasn’t a big fan of the mood swings, but he knew Junmyeon couldn’t control them, so he tried to approach them as calmly and logically as he could. Sometimes it was hard to do when Junmyeon started screaming over something menial, but Yifan always tried to take it in stride. Junmyeon usually broke down crying immediately after yelling anyway and would become a hiccupping fountain of apologies because he felt guilty. Yifan was always there with a hug to help him feel better.

And as always, Yifan offered him a hug, just like he did in the middle of the classroom. Junmyeon eventually stopped crying and everything settled down for the most part. Yifan was just thankful that it was finally time for lunch so that he and Junmyeon could have some time together.

Junmyeon had laughed when he said that. “Sure, time together with a group of children and an unborn baby.”

“You knew what I meant,” Yifan said with a laugh of his own. This was what he had been looking forward to, despite being surrounded by other people. He liked having a break from the office and he liked spending time with Junmyeon. They were able to see each other after work, sure, but both of them were usually tired after they made it home. It was a nice change of pace. “Don’t tease me. Next time I won’t be so nice and won’t bring you fries.”

Junmyeon let out a gasp and proceeded to put on his best puppy dog eyes. “I can’t believe you would do that to me! You’re so cruel.”

Yifan missed times like these. They were sometimes hard to come by, with the two of them spending too many hours at their jobs. These were the moments that counted the most to him, being with the one he loved and laughing about the dumbest of things.

It seemed perfect until Junmyeon suddenly stopped laughing and a hand flew to his middle.

“What?” Yifan asked, worry in his voice and glazing across his eyes at the shocked look that had bloomed on Junmyeon’s face. “Junmyeon, what’s wrong?”

“I think…” Junmyeon started, his voice wavering, “I think I just felt something.”

Yifan blinked a few times, his brow furrowing in concern. “What do you mean?”

“It stopped already, but I could’ve sworn I felt something,” Junmyeon said with a hitch in his voice. “I think I just felt it move.”

It all finally clicked, and Yifan’s face lit up immediately, a tugging in his chest. Despite Junmyeon saying he couldn’t feel it anymore, Yifan’s hands flew over anyway, trying to feel it too. Of course, he couldn’t, and Junmyeon busted out laughing at him when Yifan began to pout over the missed opportunity.

He had been right all along; these definitely were the moments that mattered most.

* * *

“Slide your legs down a bit more and scoot towards me.”

Yifan had gotten used to the four walls of the room. The soft green paint and inspirational words hanging in a picture frame and the technician station on Junmyeon’s right side. Today was the big day where they would be able to find out their child’s gender, and Yifan’s stomach was in knots both from excitement and anxiety over what was going to happen. This was such a huge moment for the both of them and his hands were shaky as he helped Junmyeon tuck the towel into the waistband of his pants.

“So, the first couple photos will be for your record,” the technician was saying, “and the rest will be for you guys to keep.”

Yifan already knew that from the last time they had visited, but he found himself nodding along anyway. With one hand holding Junmyeon’s, Yifan let his free hand hold tight onto his phone, filming just like the last time they had been in for a scan.

He was only half-listening, really, too jittery to pay proper attention. He just barely heard the technician asking Junmyeon if he was ready to get started, and then the screen flickered to life. Junmyeon had his neck craned a bit so that he could see the monitor too, and Yifan bit down hard on his lower lip, watching the image go from pitch black to fuzzy and gray as the probe moved over Junmyeon’s stomach.

Yifan saw it then, the same black blob from last time and the little whitish shape within it. It was their baby. Yifan’s heart tugged in his chest. It was _their_ child and it was definitely bigger than the last time. It made his shoulders sag in relief, knowing their baby was doing well. He squeezed Junmyeon’s hand tightly, and when the technician moved the probe over the curve of Junmyeon’s belly, he heard Junmyeon suck in a nervous breath.

“Why does it look like that?” he asked, his voice shaking. Yifan could see it too. Something wasn’t right. It almost looked like owl eyes, two black blobs wedged together on the screen. Still taping, Yifan stole a quick glance at Junmyeon, his stomach dropping as he noticed tears pooling along the rims of Junmyeon’s eyes as his brain was going to the worst possible scenario. “What’s wrong with…?”

The technician, a different woman from the one they had last time, turned slightly to give Junmyeon a puzzled glance. Upon seeing Junmyeon on the verge of tears, her face softened. “Did you not know?”

“Know what?” Junmyeon croaked, his hand shaking in Yifan’s own.

“Oh, Junmyeon, it’s alright. There’s nothing wrong,” the technician continued, offering the pair a smile, “it looks like that because you’re having twins.”

There was a moment of dead silence. And then, suddenly, Junmyeon, in a tiny voice, asking her to repeat what she just said. She did. Junmyeon asked her again. Finally, after the third time, it all seemed to click. Junmyeon immediately cracked. He was shaking, and crying, and laughing hysterically all at the same time, squeezing Yifan’s hand in a borderline death grip.

“You’re joking,” Junmyeon managed to choke out, his voice warbled from a mixture of sobs and laughs. “No wonder I was so sick and gained so much weight, I just— I can’t—I can’t believe it, there’s really—”

The cursor of the mouse connected to the monitor rolled over the screen so that the technician could begin to point out the various body parts to them. Junmyeon was still a giggling, sniveling mess, his cheeks beginning to ache from smiling so hard and his chest was hurting because his heart just felt too full and it was such an overload for him that he felt like he was floating.

 “You’ll want to call your doctor after you leave here and let the office know that we found twins so they can update your information,” the technician said. “So here’s baby A, right here, and this one is your other twin, baby B, over here. And you said you wanted to know the gender? Well, I guess, _genders_ now.”

But for Yifan, the world was moving in slow motion. Everyone’s voices were like white noise in his ears. Junmyeon’s laughter felt so far away from him for some reason and he could hear the sound of blood rushing through his eardrums.

“So let’s see…” Junmyeon sniffed, still smiling as the probe was moved over his stomach. “I think they’re in a good position for us to be able to tell. Give me just a second…”

Everything was beginning to tilt sideways, and Yifan’s legs suddenly felt abnormally weak.

“Well, Junmyeon, it looks like you’re having two boys,” the technician finally said after a long moment of silence, “we’ll do the measurements here in a minute but from this first glance they look like they’re doing pretty well so far!”

Beaming, Junmyeon’s head swiveled around, his mouth opening to say something, but Yifan couldn’t hear what he was saying. Through blurred vision, he watched Junmyeon’s face go from ecstatic to worried in three seconds flat, before he saw Junmyeon’s mouth open in a scream. Yifan didn’t hear it though. His knees buckled. His legs went out from underneath him and as everything went dark, he hit the floor, out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SURPRISE


	4. iv. four

Yifan released a soft groan. “My head hurts.”

“Am I supposed to be surprised?” Junmyeon asked. He was holding an ice pack in one hand, the other cradling the back of Yifan’s skull to help support it. He pulled away the cold packet to prod at Yifan’s head, frowning at the bump he could feel forming beneath the skin. “You smacked your head on the chair when you passed out earlier. You’re lucky that you made it out in one piece.”

Yifan huffed softly and turned his head away. “I didn’t ‘pass out’…”

“Right. Sure, okay. You fainted then,” Junmyeon said teasingly, a smile on his lips when Yifan began to pout in response. “C’mon, you big baby, there’s no reason to be embarrassed.”

“Can you blame me, though? You’ve been trying to have a baby for how many years now, and _now_ you’re not just pregnant, but you’re having two kids?” Yifan asked rhetorically, “this feels like a dream. Of _course_ I fainted, we’re not just having our dream baby, we’re having two.”

Junmyeon’s heart was warm as he watched Yifan roll over and onto his side, long arms already reaching for Junmyeon, who was still standing upright next to the couch. Yifan’s limbs wrapped around him the best they could, though it was becoming a harder and harder task to hug Junmyeon these days, as his growing stomach was getting in the way.

“I’m so happy,” Yifan mumbled, arms shackled around Junmyeon’s waist as he rested his head on his lover’s stomach. “I can’t believe this is real. I’m the luckiest man alive.”

Junmyeon let out a soft hum to show he had heard, fingertips gentle as they pulled comfortingly through the messy strands of Yifan’s black hair. There was a smile on his lips. “You’re awake, hun. It took forever, but it’s finally happening.”

Yifan’s resounding laugh was shaky, filled with happiness and fear and excitement all at once, still clinging to Junmyeon with his arms shackled around his waist. “God, Jun, we still have so much to do… I thought we were on a pretty good track but now that we know there’s two? We need to buy way more stuff.”

Junmyeon laughed too, nodding in agreement. Yifan was right. He was already twenty weeks in, halfway there, and they still had so much they needed to accomplish. “I think this weekend would be a good time to finish wrapping up the loose ends on the registry for the baby shower. Er… Babies shower?”

“Close enough,” Yifan murmured, his arms still knotted tight about Junmyeon’s waist to hold those that mattered most close to him.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Yifan asked, leaning down to make sure Junmyeon could hear him better.

He still had one hand clutched around the support bar that ran across the train car, standing in front of Junmyeon as his husband sat perched in his seat. Yifan hadn’t ever been sure if he would ever see the day where Junmyeon would need to use the designed pregnancy seats, but here they were, with Junmyeon’s fingers tracing absent shapes against the worn pink fabric.

“Yifan, I’m fine,” Junmyeon replied with a sigh, “I’m just tired and everything is starting to hurt already.”

The two of them had decided to tackle furniture shopping for the day to try to begin preparing. They still had a ton of work to do on the nursery and with the two of them now knowing they were expecting twins, it definitely added some stress and urgency.

Junmyeon constantly told him that he was fine, but it didn’t make Yifan worry any less. It didn’t help either that during their first round of furniture shopping earlier in the day, Junmyeon had suddenly stiffened up, and, partially out of breath, said he needed to sit down. It was natural for Yifan to worry and he did then too, hovering and pestering Junmyeon to know what was bothering him.

It took a few minutes for Junmyeon to relax again. It was a sharp, painful sort of feeling at the moment, like there was a vise squeezing around his stomach. After some rest it had cleared on its own. The two of them had been researching like crazy ever since Junmyeon had gotten pregnant; they were first-time expecting parents and were otherwise lost in a sea of nerves and confusion and needed all the information they could get.

It wasn’t, therefore, surprising to either of them to know Junmyeon was having braxton hicks contractions. He was having twins and was quite large already, after all. Still, Yifan was a worrywart by nature and fussed that if things got worse, they’d need to see a doctor.

_“It’s alright.” Junmyeon, as expected, waved him away as he awkwardly heaved himself up and onto his feet. “Though I’m pretty sure I should confiscate your balls for putting two kids in me and making me like this.”_

Yifan managed to bite back a grin as the train car began to slow. He automatically extended a hand for Junmyeon to help him up, as this was their stop. He knew Junmyeon wasn’t made of glass and hated him being so hovering, but he couldn’t help it; he just wanted the three people he cared about most to be safe. It was one reason his arm braced against Junmyeon’s lower back as he helped him off the car, before letting his arm slide down to hold Junmyeon’s hand.

“Let me know if you need to take a break,” Yifan commented, his fingers laced with Junmyeon’s own. “It’s gonna be a bit of a long walk.”

Junmyeon hummed. The two of them were planning on meeting Yixing and Minseok for lunch, and to, of course, let their friends know Junmyeon was expecting two babies now. Junmyeon’s stomach growled eagerly at the thought of food and he absently let his free hand rest atop of it. “I’ll be fine. I’m just hungry and slow. Don’t worry about me so much.”

“Uh, excuse me, I’m the oldest here. You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Yifan said playfully, smiling when Junmyeon let out an amused laugh at that.

His hand tightened around Junmyeon’s own as they headed for the exit.

* * *

The world was beginning to feel too large and sometimes all Yifan could do was sit back, close his eyes, and breathe. The most he could do was take things day by day but even that in itself was a hefty task when his world was about to change forever, with not enough time in a single day to get as much accomplished as he wanted. He and Junmyeon were both still working full-time to keep scraping together as much money as they could before their children were born, but with work getting in the way, it left limited time for accomplishing needed tasks.

Like painting the nursery.

They had unanimously agreed to redesign their spare room into a room for the babies, but they had to work on cleaning it out first. It left them two of them rummaging through various boxes and assorted objects and decluttering along the way. Yifan had to admit, stumbling upon some of their old belongings from high school was a big trip down memory lane. They sat together on the floor and dug through the old piles of things and reminisced about when they were younger. He wasn’t surprised at all when Junmyeon held up one of his old t-shirts and cried, blabbering that he’d forever be too fat to fit into it again.

The mood swings always kept Yifan on his toes, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle another eighteen weeks of them. He was already stressed out to begin with, and as Junmyeon stood there in the nursery, tapping one foot, Yifan was beginning to feel like he was being stretched too thin.

Junmyeon’s lips pursed unhappily. Yifan didn’t move, merely watching as Junmyeon stole another glance at his work. Junmyeon swiveled on his heel, a hand resting on his stomach as he looked at Yifan, and finally announced his thoughts. “I don’t like it.”

Yifan’s shoulders tensed, and his voice was coarse as he struggled to keep his composure. “What do you mean you don’t like it? When I did the test spot you loved it!”

“Well, now I don’t,” Junmyeon replied. “Can’t you change it?”

“Why did you wait until I had two and a half walls done to tell me you don’t like it?” Yifan countered in disbelief.

Junmyeon’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Don’t get all snippy with me—"

“Can you blame me?!” Yifan shouted, his patience at last beginning to dry up entirely. “God, Junmyeon, I understand that it’s different for me because I’m not carrying the kids but it’s still hard on me too, you know! I’m not a robot, I need downtime and time to breathe too! You always come home in a bad mood and I’m always walking on eggshells nowadays because if I make one slight misstep, you blow up on me! You’re always focusing on what you don’t like or what I’m doing wrong and it’s _draining._ I’m tired too, I’m stressed out too, and I’ve bitten my tongue so many times lately, and I’m just getting really frustrated, okay? I just—”

Tears stung his eyes, and Yifan immediately clamped his mouth shut, instead focusing on drying up his tears before they had the chance to fall. He had known Junmyeon for over twenty years and even now, he _still_ hated for Junmyeon to see him cry.

“Are… Are you crying?” Junmyeon then asked after a long moment of silence. Head twisted sideways to avoid eye contact, Yifan didn’t say anything, his jaw clenched deathly tight as he rubbed up to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. “Yifan, talk to me, please…”

Sometimes Yifan hated that sweet voice Junmyeon had, because it always made him do whatever his husband wanted. And he fell for it then too, at last turning his head back around to face Junmyeon properly. Junmyeon eyebrows were upturned in worry, reaching out with one hand to grasp Yifan by the forearm.

“Have I really been making you feel that way?” Junmyeon then asked, his voice practically a whimper. Yifan could see the guilt spreading across his eyes and Junmyeon proceeded to hang his head in shame, looking so tiny and pathetic. “I’m sorry… I haven’t been meaning to make you upset or to take it out on you all the time… I’m such a bad husband, aren’t I…?”

“That’s not what I said—”

“But it’s true! You’re right, you work a lot too, you cook for me and even go out late when I ask you to get me snacks,” Junmyeon countered, his voice hitching, and Yifan knew they were only a handful of seconds away from the waterworks starting. “And all I do is yell at you all the time, I don’t mean to, I just…”

“You’re just hormonal and cranky,” Yifan said with a sigh, “but that doesn’t make you a bad husband, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon’s eyes were wet as he shuffled a few steps closer to Yifan. Yifan didn’t dare comment on it though; he knew already that Junmyeon was measuring several weeks ahead in terms of size since he was having twins. He didn’t think it would be much longer before Junmyeon began waddling.

“I don’t deserve you sometimes,” Junmyeon mumbled, his head falling forward to rest against Yifan’s chest. “I’m sorry…”

Yifan released a sigh, a hand coming up on reflex to rub at the base of Junmyeon’s spine. “I forgive you. I’m sorry too, for yelling at you. Can you just…try not to snap at me so much?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon replied, his voice muffled against the fabric of Yifan’s shirt, his back arching up into Yifan’s fingertips as they kneaded into his skin. His back hurt a lot lately and the touch felt _amazing._ “It isn’t fair to you. I just… I didn’t realize…”

Yifan hummed lowly in agreement, pressed up against Junmyeon the best he could manage as he wrapped him up in his arms. The two of them stood like that for a long moment, a tangled mess of limbs. Yifan rested his chin atop of Junmyeon’s head, inhaling the scent of his shampoo as he continued massaging at Junmyeon’s lower back. Junmyeon released a low moan, garbled by how he still had his face planted into Yifan’s chest.

A few minutes passed before Junmyeon suddenly jolted, successfully startling Yifan in the process. He jumped back, breaking the two of them apart, eyes wild as he glanced down at his stomach. Before Yifan had the chance to ask what was going on, Junmyeon reached out and snatched him by the wrist, wrangling his arm over to lay a hand on the right side of his belly.

He almost missed it, but there it was, a slight fluttering movement underneath his palm.

Yifan’s face immediately broke out into a wide grin. He hadn’t been able to feel the baby move yet; every time he tried, the movement stopped before he could. It made it all seem even more _real._

And every bit of the struggle would be worth it in the end.

* * *

There were bits of confetti in Junmyeon’s hair.

Yifan smiled to himself as he stood in the kitchen, slicing another piece of cake for Junmyeon. The baby shower had ended an hour ago, and although their guests had all blown out of their home by now, Junmyeon had practically begged for Minseok and Yixing to stay behind to spend some more time with the two of them. The four of them didn’t hang out as much in recent days and Yifan knew once their twins came into the world, their free time would probably be chopped even thinner. He had no objections to the idea, and after some pouting and a round of puppy eyes from Junmyeon, the others agreed.

He had his back wedged against the edge of the couch as he sat on the floor, eyes lighting up and hands immediately shooting out to accept the plate of cake Yifan was bringing to him. The others had suggested for him to sit on the couch, but Junmyeon had declined, complaining he didn’t want to get up, so they simply left him there. Yifan already knew he’d have to help him up later, and that was on his mind then too as he eased himself onto the floor beside Junmyeon. A small grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as he watched Junmyeon eat. Chocolate was one of his latest cravings so they had decided on a chocolate cake for the baby shower, which Junmyeon had no issues stuffing down his throat over the duration of the party. Yifan didn’t mind though. At least chocolate was a _normal_ craving. He’d much rather see Junmyeon eat chocolate than have repeats of some of his weird days where he walked in on Junmyeon drinking pickle juice out of the jar or dumping some rather… _questionable_ toppings into his ice cream. He shuddered. He didn’t care what Junmyeon said, vanilla and ketchup did _not_ go together.

“You’re really putting in your notice?” Minseok then piped up, not daring to comment on the way Junmyeon was shoveling cake into his mouth way too quickly. “I thought you were just going on maternity leave.”

“I was going to at first,” Junmyeon hummed, adjusting his position a little, noticeably struggling to get comfortable as he set down his plate of half-eaten cake. He was starting his sixth month now and with his belly continuing to get bigger, it meant more discomfort on his end. His hips were aching lately as his frame tried adjusting to accommodate for growing two children. “But Yifan and I talked about it… I want to stay home with them, at least until they’re older. Yifan’s paycheck covers the bills fine on its own, so we can afford to do it.”

“Well, you guys have been trying to have a kid for years now. I think it’s a great idea,” Minseok replied, and Yixing nodded in agreement.

Junmyeon smiled, letting out a low groan as Yifan worked on stretching out one of his legs to massage at his foot. They were swollen and achy like the rest of him and it was just another reason he only wore slip-on shoes nowadays, aside from him not being able to bend over to tie his shoes anymore.

“Still no ideas for names?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon just shrugged, hand smoothing absently over his stomach. “Not really. We came up with a few but they didn’t seem to click very well. It’d probably be easier if I knew what they looked like in person… Or knew more about their personalities.”

Yifan let out a snort as he squeezed at Junmyeon’s ankle. “Haven’t you already noticed that they’re a couple of troublemakers? They throw dance parties in your womb at two AM and wake you up, they’re already squeezing the hell out of your bladder, and whoever it is up on your top right kicks like a linebacker.”

“Now you understand why I complain all the time, right?” Junmyeon said with a sigh. “This isn’t as easy as it looks.”

Minseok and Yixing helped carry the gifts from the baby shower into the nursery for cleanup, and, after Yifan helped him to his feet, Junmyeon waddled after them to help out the best he could. There were tons of diapers, various baby clothing in shades of blue and green and purple, an assortment of toys and stuffed animals as well. The nursery was finally complete and it was one less thing for Yifan to worry about now.

His worry was all set on Junmyeon and their kids now, and it was then too later that evening after Minseok and Yixing had gone home for the night. The two of them were squished together on the couch to watch a movie to unwind and Junmyeon had immediately dozed off. Yifan knew it was in Junmyeon’s best interest to get more sleep, but at the same time, leaving him on the couch for the night wouldn’t be the best idea either.

Junmyeon’s shirt had ridden up a little at some point and Yifan reached over to trace a hand over the curve of his stomach before letting his thumbs press circles over his hips, studying the shape of stretch marks etched into Junmyeon’s skin.

Junmyeon let out a sleepy grunt then, coming to just enough to try swatting Yifan’s hand to make him stop.

“Don’t,” he grumbled, voice tired and disoriented. “You know I get all itchy when you touch them.”

“I’m just admiring,” Yifan commented, gums on display as he grinned. “I think they look neat.”

“They don’t,” Junmyeon argued, his eyes squinted with sleepiness and legs spread wide. “It just means I’ve gotten too fat too fast.”

“They do though!” Yifan said, “they look like some sickass lightning tattoos. And any change you had because you’re carrying our babies is automatically an amazing thing.”

“You’re such a cheeseball,” Junmyeon complained, despite the fact his lips were tugging upwards into a smile. Even though he whined and groaned about Yifan’s sappiness sometimes, it was just another reason he had fallen in love with him so many years ago. He let out a grunt, hand on reflex going to his belly to rub at it. “Now stop talking, you’re getting them all wound up and it’s too late for this.”

“What’s worse, them kicking you now while you’re still awake, or waiting until you’re fast asleep in bed to start bludgeoning your spleen?” Yifan teased, already folding himself in half to make himself at eye-level with Junmyeon’s stomach. “You guys just want baba’s attention, don’t you?”

Junmyeon sighed, feeling the slight shift of his belly as one of the babies kicked and resituated itself. “You’re going to make our kids completely insufferable with all your spoiling.”

“They’ll be the most loved babies in the entire world,” Yifan said proudly, one hand reaching out to rest beside Junmyeon’s own. “Don’t worry, I’ll still love you both more than anything else in the whole world no matter how bratty and spoiled you are.”

Junmyeon huffed, reaching out to tug on one of Yifan’s ears. “We are not raising two brats, Wu Yifan. If you start spoiling them too much I have every right to—”

“Don’t finish that sentence, I don’t want to hear what kind of diabolical plan you have sitting in the depths of your brain right now,” Yifan interrupted, “it’s probably something super morbid to get revenge on me for knocking you up with two kids.”

Junmyeon’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Perhaps, perhaps not.”

“Don’t be mean to me. I have the power of my voice and with a few spoken words can make our babies torture you all night with their wiggling,” Yifan teased, smiling at the fluttering sensation beneath his palm, “then again I don’t think I’ll even need to, if this keeps up.”

“I already told you that you’re getting them wound up and for you to knock it off,” Junmyeon huffed, pushing Yifan’s hand away as he then struggled to stand. “Now help me up, I just wanna go lie down and go to bed. I’m exhausted.”

Yifan obediently hopped up then, offering Junmyeon his hands to give Junmyeon some additional balance and support while he heaved himself to his feet. An arm circled protectively around Junmyeon’s lower back and together, it went slowly, thanks to Junmyeon’s pregnancy waddle.

But Yifan didn’t mind it, his body still stuck in protective mode as he helped Junmyeon to their bedroom. He was more than happy to help, especially with Junmyeon getting slower as of late. It made him relieved that Junmyeon would be quitting his job in two weeks. He saw every day how Junmyeon struggled at home; he couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to still try to maintain a balanced life. He got exhausted just trying to take a shower, for crying out loud, Yifan knew it must have been brutal on him to take the subway every morning and head to the school and deal with a bunch of hyperactive kindergarteners all day long, then try to make it home in one piece.

Surely it stressed him out and made him even more tired, neither of which were good for him in general, but even more so when he was expecting.

He served as Junmyeon’s balance and watchful eye as his husband brushed his teeth and together, they headed for their bedroom. Junmyeon’s resounding sigh was exhausted and loud as Yifan helped him into bed and he was immediately reaching for his pillows. By the time Yifan left for only a couple minutes to wash his face and brush his teeth, Junmyeon was already lightly dozing off, despite the fact the lights were still on and Yifan hadn’t gotten into bed just yet.

He tried to be as quiet as he could, though Junmyeon did stir a little when Yifan rolled into bed beside him. There were a few moments of wiggling as the two of them tried to get situated. It was harder nowadays, with Junmyeon’s body being different and him needing a new setup in bed to maintain some sense of comfort. It left Yifan awkwardly reaching around various pillows and support objects to cuddle with Junmyeon, arms at last managing to loop around him to press the two of them together. Junmyeon’s body temperature was higher than it used to be and it often left him hot, but with winter steadily approaching, their bedroom grew cold during the night and he was more than happy to let Yifan spoon him to suck up some of his body heat.

“Good day, love?” Yifan murmured, shifting around just a little more to try to get comfortable himself.

“Long day,” Junmyeon sleepily replied, eyes closed and lips already tiredly parted. Yifan’s arms felt so perfect around him and he at last willed himself to relax, knowing Yifan was there, that Yifan would take care of him no matter what. “Good but long… Tired.”

“I know,” Yifan said softly, placing a quick peck along the back of Junmyeon’s neck. “I’ll let you sleep in a second. I wanted to talk to you about something really quick.”

“Can’t it wait til tomorrow?” Junmyeon muttered.

“Of course… I just thought I’d bring it up while it was on my mind,” Yifan told him. “We can talk about it tomorrow; I wanted to tell you I thought of a name for the baby. Well, at least one of them.”

Junmyeon shifted slightly at that, sounding interested, but far too tired to focus. “What?”

“What do you think about the name Sehun?” Yifan said softly, arms still looped around Junmyeon’s body and holding him close. He and Junmyeon had both developed a habit of rubbing his baby bump and he did then too, absently tracing his hand over the large swell as he waited for a reply.

“It’s cute,” Junmyeon at last murmured. He grew quiet again, for a long moment, and Yifan thought he had fallen asleep. He then felt it, a swift, rough little kick on the upper side of Junmyeon’s stomach. He grinned. Ever since Junmyeon’s ultrasounds had become clearer, they could tell where each baby was now. The first was further down near Junmyeon’s hips, near the bottom left portion of his belly and taking up most of the space. It left their second baby squished near the top right and pressed up near Junmyeon’s ribcage with not nearly as glamorous real estate. Junmyeon’s laugh was sleepy and borderline incoherent. “I think he likes it.”

“I clearly have good taste,” Yifan said teasingly, patting Junmyeon’s belly gently before rubbing it again. “Sehun, can you hear baba? I can’t wait to meet you and your big brother soon.”

Junmyeon groaned softly in agreement, but didn’t say anything else. He quieted down and after a few minutes, despite how Yifan could still feel a little bit of stirring underneath his hand, Junmyeon fell asleep, breathing deep and even. He really was exhausted these days and Yifan was thankful that he at least managed to fall asleep without any trouble.

“You guys had better behave tonight,” Yifan whispered, not even sure if the babies could hear him, as he was trying to keep his voice down as much as possible so that he wouldn’t wake Junmyeon. “Your mama needs to sleep. Okay?”

He didn’t receive an answer, not that he expected one. Yifan snuggled down into his pillow then, hand moving in absent circles like it did every night when he and Junmyeon went to bed together. It brought a bit of security to his worried mind, knowing that even though he had no control over the situation, he could at least hold those that mattered most close in his embrace.

“Just a little longer,” Yifan promised, his face falling forward a little more. He could smell the scent of Junmyeon’s shampoo and the lingering smell of fabric softener on his worn nightshirt. It all felt like his own little slice of heaven and Yifan smiled into his pillowcase, tightening his grip on Junmyeon just a smidge more. “Just a little bit longer before I get to meet you both.”

He may have been afraid, but at the same time, he was so excited. The two of them would never fully be ready, but Yifan wanted this so badly, and he knew the two of them could handle it together.

In only a handful more weeks, their lives would forever change.

That thought was on Yifan’s mind as his eyes closed, was on his mind when his hand at last stopped moving, and was on his mind as he, at last, fell asleep.


	5. v. five

Yifan sometimes pondered how it took the two of them so long to realize Junmyeon was having twins. Sure, he understood what the doctor meant when it was explained to them that one baby had been hiding behind the other on previous ultrasounds, but Yifan’s mind had a hard time grasping that such a thing had been possible once upon a time. After all, it felt almost like a fever dream that Junmyeon hadn’t always been large during his pregnancy, that just looking at him wasn’t a dead giveaway of him carrying more than one baby. 

Yifan had to admit it, he worried about Junmyeon’s size often. Aside from when they had first met as children, Junmyeon had always been much smaller than him. Shorter, more slender, a skinnier waist. It made the toll of pregnancy hit him even harder. He was constantly aching and exhausted and grumpy because of it. Yifan couldn’t blame him for it. Ever since his maternity leave had started, Junmyeon hadn’t gone out much, usually taking refuge on their couch upon his side to watch television and movies while Yifan was at work. His practice contractions came more and more often these days. It all left Yifan’s mind on overdrive with concern and it worried him even more to see Junmyeon keep getting bigger, despite how he already looked like he was about to pop at any second. 

He was tired. The constant fretting, worry, and anxiety made him jittery and sapped up what little energy he had. His brain was in constant arousal mode, he was still working full days, and it wasn’t like he could properly recharge at night. The concern in his mind didn’t grant him peaceful sleep to begin with, and the way he woke up whenever Junmyeon got out of bed every single night to use the restroom because of the babies pressing on his bladder, well, it left him even more groggy and tired in the mornings. 

Scratch that, he was downright exhausted. 

He rubbed his eyes before going back to gently stirring the food he was cooking on the stovetop. It wasn’t even a complicated dish but he just couldn’t focus, too tired to train his brain on a task. Maybe he should just call it quits and order a pizza. Then again… Probably would be best to ask Junmyeon first what he wanted. His cravings were as strong as ever, and— 

There was the sound of the front door closing, and Yifan felt his shoulders relax a little, knowing Junmyeon made it home in one piece. 

He heard some noises in the entranceway, the familiar clatter of Junmyeon kicking away his slip-on shoes and dumping his keys into their shared storage bowl. Then came the familiar shuffle of Junmyeon’s footfalls against the floor, socks meeting hardwood as Junmyeon at last, slowly but surely, waddled into the kitchen. 

“Welcome home,” Yifan murmured, barely even able to raise his voice enough for Junmyeon to hear him. He offered Junmyeon a smile, although it was clearly forced due to his exhaustion. “How was the spa? Was the massage worth your time?” 

“It was great! I feel _ahhhmazing,”_ Junmyeon told him in a singsong tone, clearly in a good mood. Yifan breathed out a silent but thankful sigh. Junmyeon was getting crankier and crankier by the day now that he was getting closer to his due date, so him being in high spirits came as a relief. “Everything doesn’t hurt for once! The girl had, like, magic hands, I swear. Worked out all the knots in my legs and I think my back is finally cracked back into place.” 

“I’m glad,” Yifan answered, head already turned to focus on the food. He felt Junmyeon’s belly press up against his side as Junmyeon huddled close to him, trying to lean over his shoulder to see what he was cooking. “I’ll have the food done in a few…” 

“Sounds like a plan. But, um… Are you feeling alright?” Junmyeon then asked, a hint of worry in his voice. 

“’M fine,” Yifan mumbled, “why do you ask?” 

“Are you sure?” Junmyeon pressed, eyebrows pinching inward. “Love, you aren’t acting like yourself… And you’re burning the food.” 

It took a moment for Junmyeon’s words to click, but when they did, Yifan let out a few mumbled curses under his breath as he realized Junmyeon was right. He took the pan off the stovetop, blackening bits of food still hot and Yifan nearly jumped out of his skin when Junmyeon laid a gentle hand upon his forearm. 

“Yifan, you need to talk to me… What’s bothering you?” Junmyeon asked in concern, lending Yifan a hand by switching off the stove. “Don’t worry about cooking right now. We’ll order out tonight. I just need you to tell me what’s wrong because this isn’t like you and you’re worrying me.” 

“I’m tired,” Yifan replied, not bothering to try to lie. “I’m _exhausted_ , Jun…” 

It wasn’t like Junmyeon didn’t know. They were both tired nowadays but Yifan always hid it better than he did. He seemed to at last be hitting his breaking point. Junmyeon wasn’t blind to the way the little rings of dark circles began to crop up underneath Yifan’s eyes or how he could feel the knots hiding beneath the skin of Yifan’s shoulders whenever he rubbed them. 

“You,” Junmyeon then started, hands shooting out to clamp around Yifan’s biceps, “need to go lie down, ASAP.” 

Yifan blinked, clearly confused for a moment before he began to regain his wits. He tried shrugging Junmyeon off of him. “I’m not a child. I don’t need a nap—” 

“You _just_ told me you’re exhausted. You definitely do need to rest,” Junmyeon interrupted, not having any of it. He then pressed forward, ignoring Yifan’s surprised yelp as Junmyeon began to literally push him out of the kitchen. “Couch. Now.” 

“But—” Yifan started, letting out a grunt as Junmyeon pushed him down and onto their old worn couch. He started to stand back up, only for Junmyeon to shove him right back into the cushions. He braced his back against the support behind him and winced. He had forgotten how strong Junmyeon was. “But don’t you need me to—” 

“Yifan… Listen. Don’t get me wrong, I love you babying me, but I _am_ capable of doing things on my own sometimes,” Junmyeon said with a sigh, successfully cutting Yifan off yet again. “I’m just pregnant, that’s it. I may complain a lot, but I _can_ still do things. Let me take care of you instead tonight, alright?” 

Yifan’s brow pinched inward. “I don’t need you to take care of me.” 

“Okay, but I _want_ to take care of you. You’ve been stressing over me and taking care of me for seven months and some change. The _least_ I can do is baby you for one night in return,” Junmyeon replied, at last edging forward to sit down beside Yifan on the couch. He awkwardly managed to wiggle a bit closer, leaning over to place a warm, loving kiss on Yifan’s mouth. 

Yifan almost instantly felt his shoulders go lax, hands instinctively reaching upward to cup Junmyeon’s head in his palms. Junmyeon didn’t comment on Yifan giving him a new round of kisses, thumbs tracing blind, absent patterns on Junmyeon’s cheeks. They felt fuller, Yifan thought to himself as he pulled away to rest his forehead against Junmyeon’s own. He didn’t dare mention it though, not wanting to step on another landmine like he had done last time by offhandedly commenting on Junmyeon’s larger thighs that had ended up with his husband a bawling mess. 

“I know this is a lot for both of us right now, but you can’t keep sacrificing yourself like this just for my sake,” Junmyeon then said softly, one hand rubbing comforting circles along the top of Yifan’s thigh through the fabric of his sweatpants. “Look at yourself, you have bags under your eyes…” 

Yifan didn’t know when he had closed his eyes, but it was the sensation of Junmyeon’s fingers sliding towards the inside of his leg that made him open them again. He frowned, a hand of his own reaching down to snag about Junmyeon’s wrist. “Not now, Junmyeon.” 

Junmyeon’s eyebrows arched in puzzlement, blinking a couple times as his brain tried to catch up with what Yifan had said. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Yifan mumbled, “tired.” 

“Positive? I mean… I know we haven’t been intimate in a _long_ time…” Junmyeon said quietly, guilt lining his voice. It was a true statement, but Yifan didn’t blame him for it; with his pregnancy advancing, his libido was simply gone. “At the very least I have two hands—" 

“It’s fine,” Yifan said sleepily, releasing his grip to instead work on wrapping his arms around Junmyeon instead. It was an awkward attempt of a hug but they at last managed, the brunt of Junmyeon’s weight coming to rest against his side as the two of them snuggled down together into the couch. “I’m too tired…” 

Junmyeon hummed in understanding. “The offer is still open if you change your mind. No pressure.” 

Yifan nodded, head sliding down the back of the couch to instead flop over against Junmyeon’s shoulder. He proceeded to bury his face into the crook of Junmyeon’s neck, a content sigh escaping his lips when Junmyeon reached out to gently card his fingers through his hair. 

“What do you want for dinner, then?” Junmyeon asked him, voice soft. “Anything in particular?” 

“Doesn’t matter… Anything.” 

Junmyeon playfully tugged on one of his ears. “You have to cooperate with me here. I always get to choose these days and I’m supposed to be babying you tonight, remember?” 

Yifan cracked his eyes open and gave Junmyeon an amused grin. “You always get to pick because you’re the one who’s pregnant and craving something different every day. I can’t help that.” 

“Could have been helped, since you’re the one who made me like this,” Junmyeon replied jokingly, letting out an amused snort as one of Yifan’s hands came to rest on his stomach. “Careful, they might bite you if you get too close since they haven’t had dinner yet.” 

Yifan laughed, adjusting his weight so that he could sit up a little. They were so close now. Since Junmyeon was having twins, it was practically a given he was going to have the babies early. The c-section was scheduled and their bag was officially packed, waiting patiently on the floor next to their front door for that fateful day in the near future. It excited him, but terrified him at the same time. He wasn’t sure if he was ready, but he had to be. 

He felt Junmyeon’s stomach shift, and his lips twisted to one side in a mixture of concern and confusion as he smoothed a hand over the spot he could see one of their babies pushing out. “Doesn’t that hurt you when they do that?” 

“Not really. It’s just kinda uncomfortable,” Junmyeon said with a sigh, letting his hand rest atop of Yifan’s own. “I mean, they like to stretch but there isn’t a lot of room in there. Sometimes it does hurt though when they kick me too hard or manage to sock me in the ribcage… Which happens a lot nowadays since they’re a lot bigger than they used to be.” 

“It’s a good thing.” Yifan grinned, big and wide, as he leaned down to place a peck on Junmyeon’s belly. “They’re gonna be big and strong when they come out.” 

“If I even make it that long,” Junmyeon said with a near groan, fingers toying with the wild fibers of Yifan’s hair. “I might explode first.” 

Yifan’s smile edged out a bit wider. “I’ll still love you even if you do explode.” 

“How romantic,” Junmyeon said with a sigh, “we can have the most unique anniversary photos! A tall Chinese man coupled with a pile of exploded guts of Korean heritage.” 

Yifan couldn’t stop himself from busting out laughing, burrowing back into the couch to cuddle with Junmyeon, before showering him with a round of sleepy but loving kisses. 

* * *

Junmyeon’s fingers were cold as Yifan held his hand. 

“You really should have worn gloves,” Yifan commented with a sigh, breath fogging in the cold February air. “It’s freezing out here.” 

“I have something called baby brain that makes me forget basic things,” Junmyeon drawled. “You should have reminded me. Or did you already forget the day I called you at work crying because I couldn’t figure out why the burner of the stove wasn’t working and it turned out to be nothing more than I had forgotten to turn it on?” 

“I can’t help that you’re getting dumber every day,” Yifan said playfully, laughing when Junmyeon lunged one leg forward to step harshly on his toes. “I’m just joking babe, it’s alright.” 

“Comforting,” Junmyeon replied dryly, his free hand coming to rest on his stomach as he awkwardly waddled at a slow pace beside Yifan. “At least I’ll be back to normal for the most part once this is finally over. I just want them out of me already.” 

“Aw, but I’ll miss you being like this. You’re so cute,” Yifan told him. 

Junmyeon’s eyes narrowed. “I am _not_ cute. I’m huge and heavy and literally every part of me is either fatter or just swollen.” 

Yifan frowned, his forehead dimpling. “Is something bothering you?” 

Junmyeon huffed unhappily, his gaze falling to avoid meeting Yifan’s eyes. “I’m just tired of being pregnant. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. I’m huge and don’t like it. You won’t think I’m attractive anymore after this is over because I won’t look the same as I used to.” 

Yifan halted then, his face contorted with concern as he stared down at Junmyeon. “Of course I’ll still find you attractive, Jun. I _love_ you, remember?” 

Tears stung Junmyeon’s eyes. “No you won’t. I have stretch marks everywhere and my hips are all wide now and I won’t be skinny anymore and—” 

Yifan swooped in then, cutting off Junmyeon’s ramblings with a rough kiss. He kissed him for a long moment to keep Junmyeon quiet, before at last breaking away and giving Junmyeon a serious look. “Listen to me. I love you for _you_ , no matter if you look different or not. I’ve known you since you were _five_ , Junmyeon, we’ve both been changing our entire lives and I’m still in love with you. I’ll _always_ love you, no matter what happens, alright?” 

Junmyeon sniffed, wiping his eyes with the hem of his sweatshirt. “You’re such a cheeseball.” 

“But you love me anyway,” Yifan said, a soft smile on his lips as he leaned forward again to peck Junmyeon’s forehead. “And I love you too. Now _please_ don’t be sad anymore, I hate it when you’re upset.” 

Junmyeon sighed, nodding in agreement as he let out a few more sniffles. “Yeah… You’re right. I think the kids hate it too and I’m not sure what’s worse right now, Sehun trying to break my ribs or Jongin working on shattering my pelvis.” 

Yifan curiously tilted his head a little to one side. “Jongin?” 

“I’ve been thinking about a name for this one lately,” Junmyeon explained, taking Yifan’s hand to rest it on the lower curve of his stomach. He then glanced up at Yifan uncertainly. “You don’t like it?” 

“No, it’s not that, I’m just surprised,” Yifan replied, rubbing over the spot. “It’s a cute name.” 

Junmyeon grinned. “I’m glad you like it. I’m surprised you came up with a good name like Sehun for the other one. Usually letting you name anything ends in disaster.” 

Yifan frowned. “No, it doesn’t.” 

“Yes, it does,” Junmyeon countered, “or did you forget that period we went through where we decided to try to grow plants outside the house and you named them all? We would up with Morgan Treeman, Fight Shrub, and Tree Diddy.” 

Unable to think of a comeback, Yifan merely growled lowly, reaching out and tugging Junmyeon’s beanie down over his eyes. Junmyeon was laughing as he did so, playfully swatting at Yifan’s hands in an attempt of shooing him away. 

And even when Yifan lowered his hand, his eyes were still gridlocked onto his husband. Junmyeon was positively _glowing_ today, round cheeks stretched wide in a happy grin, eyes crinkling up into little half-moons. His scarf was wrapped snugly about his neck, beanie dusted with tiny snowflakes, and fuzzy material of his sweatshirt drawn taut over his stomach. Yifan’s heart fluttered absently as he stared. Junmyeon had grown so much in the past few weeks, and it made Yifan feel warm from his head to his toes as he simply took in the sight of him, knowing perfectly well _his_ children were growing in Junmyeon’s enlarged belly. 

“Yifan? Yifan, what’s—Whoa!” Junmyeon staggered backwards slightly as Yifan suddenly lunged, caging him with his arms in a tight hug. Junmyeon blinked in surprise, hands coming to rest on Yifan’s upper back. His own back arched uncomfortably, bulging middle sandwiched awkwardly between the two of them. “Yifan, what in the world has gotten into you?” 

“Nothing,” Yifan mumbled into the other’s scarf, squeezing Junmyeon just a little tighter. “I just really, really love you.” 

* * *

Yifan’s eyes drooped as he stood inside his morning train. He was tired, as usual. Junmyeon had gotten out of bed twice the previous night to use the restroom and had woken Yifan both times in the process. His sleeping pattern was disturbed and it left him groggy. 

Well, may as well get used to it. It was mid-February. Junmyeon’s surgery was scheduled for thirty-eight and a half weeks and that was only seven days away now. In only a week, he would be a father to two newborns. He doubted either of them would be getting much sleep. 

He yawned. Still, sleep sounded nice… But, today was valentine’s day. He needed to get his act together today for sure. He and Junmyeon were going out after he was off work, so he needed to be as coherent as possible. He wondered if Junmyeon would be okay with him taking a power nap before they went out… 

He was trying to stay awake for the commute, knowing if he fell asleep, he was going to miss his stop. He’d definitely be late for work if that was the case. It was one reason he was thankful that his phone began vibrating in the pocket of his coat at some point, distracting him from how tired he felt as he fished it out to check who was calling him. 

Junmyeon’s name flashed across the screen. Yifan frowned at that, hating that Junmyeon was up so early when he needed his rest. 

“Hello?” he answered, free hand absently rubbing at his eyes. 

“ _Hey,”_ Junmyeon replied, and Yifan bit back a smile at the sound of his voice. “ _You forgot your lunch again.”_

“I did?” Yifan deadpanned, before letting out a sigh. “I thought I was forgetting something… Can you stick it in the fridge for me? I’ll eat it tomorrow instead, I guess.” 

_“Okay. Also, um…”_ Junmyeon started, his voice wavering. “ _Where are you?”_

“I’m not at work yet; still on the train,” Yifan replied. “Why?” 

_“Can you get off on the next stop?”_ Junmyeon asked, “ _I… I think I’m in labor.”_

Junmyeon’s words echoed in his brain for a long moment, and Yifan nearly dropped his phone to the floor of the train in shock. He at last managed to compose himself somewhat, spluttering as he tried to get a grip. “You’re in _labor?!”_

_“I think so. I thought it was just those cramps I get a lot nowadays or more braxton hicks contractions, but…”_ He heard Junmyeon let out a pained noise, a hint of panic in his voice now. _“I think it’s actual contractions. They’ve been getting closer together and they hurt way more than they did earlier. I’m not sure if my water broke or not, but—”_

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay? You’re going to be fine,” Yifan blabbed, unsure if he was trying to calm Junmyeon down, or himself. His hands were shaking. “Everything is going to be fine.” 

Scratch that; he was going to be a father of two newborns _today._

* * *

The world felt too big, and Yifan couldn’t scale it down no mattered how hard he tried. His hands were shaking and his pulse was on overdrive. He had tried chatting with Junmyeon to keep both of their minds busy, but neither of them could string together a coherent sentence at this point. Yifan, because of panic, and Junmyeon was already pumped full of sedatives by now. All he could do was hold Junmyeon’s hand and wait. 

He was trying not to panic, but he couldn’t help it. How could he not be internally freaking out when his husband was strapped to the bed being cut open to get their _children_ out of him? 

Every second felt like an eternity, and Yifan was sure his heart was about to stop when one of the nurses let them know they had officially gotten one of their babies out safely. He stared above the sheet that divided the two of them from the staff and he immediately felt tears pooling along the rims of his eyes as he found himself looking at their child. 

_Their child._

“That’s… That’s Jongin,” Yifan said, his voice hoarse as a few tears escaped and plopped down his cheeks. He squeezed Junmyeon’s hand hard enough to bruise. “God, Junmyeon, he looks like you…” 

It shouldn’t have surprised him at all when they scooped out the second baby and it instead mirrored him, but he could feel another wave of tears threatening to spill out of his eyes at the mere sight of it. 

“And Sehun,” Junmyeon murmured, his fingers squeezing gently at Yifan’s own. “Looks just like his dad.” 

His dad. Yifan’s throat bobbed painfully. He was a father now. 

The thought alone made him want to cry. 

He itched to hold them, but he knew he couldn’t just yet. They were stitching Junmyeon up and he was craning his head to see past his husband to study what the staff were doing. Their babies were set up on their warming beds and yet, it seemed like Jongin was overall on his own, as everyone was crowded around Sehun’s cot instead. 

“Not to worry you, but we’re going to be taking him to the NICU,” one of the nurses then said, and Yifan’s heart dropped in his chest, panic prickling into his skin, “he’s having some respiratory distress and chest retractions, so we’re going to just keep an eye on him and will update you soon.” 

Yifan wasn’t sure why, but he could feel his thighs tensing on pure reflex as he stood up without even thinking about it. There was a split second where he glanced at Junmyeon, the two of them locking eyes as Yifan found himself pulling away already. 

“Go,” Junmyeon ordered, without missing a beat, “go be with Sehun.” 

He didn’t need to be told twice, instincts already kicking into high gear. 

* * *

Yifan thankfully wasn’t gone very long. A mere thirty minutes later and he returned, staff in tow with their other child. They had been monitoring Sehun’s oxygen levels amidst other things and although he had been struggling when he came out, everything now looked fine. 

“He’s perfect,” Junmyeon murmured. They had already cleaned him up, and his heart felt like complete mush in ribcage as Jongin laid on his chest. He was shivering even underneath the blanket they had given him, a mess of lost blood and shock, but he felt on top of the world regardless. He grinned, painfully wide, as one of the nurses helped set Sehun down on the other side of his chest. “They’re both so perfect…” 

Yifan eased himself back down into the chair next to Junmyeon’s bed, a warm smile on his face now too. “You did so well, Junmyeon… Best valentine’s day gift I’ve _ever_ gotten.” 

Junmyeon let out a shaky laugh. He was still shivering, and their twins were having some temperature regulation problems for the time being, so they had put the newborns on his chest, for skin contact, before covering the three of them with blankets. It would be a while before Yifan would be able to hold them, and Junmyeon could tell he was itching for it, restless hands and nervous palms smoothing repetitively over the fabric covering his knees. 

He was sure it must have felt like an eternity to Yifan, but at long last, he watched one of the nurses ease their children into Yifan’s arms. 

Junmyeon could see Yifan’s throat bobbing and the way moisture began to gather along the rims of his eyes. It didn’t take long for the tears to escape and begin dripping down his cheeks, and he sniffed pathetically, cradling their sons in his arms as if they were made of glass. 

“You guys are big for twins,” Yifan then mumbled jokingly, his laughter soft and muddled with uneven breathing from crying. “You’re both so perfect… Can you hear me? Can you hear baba? You’re going to grow up big and strong like me, right?” 

Junmyeon’s eyes were heavy. The exhaustion was finally settling in now that all his adrenaline had worn off, not to mention he had literally just given birth to two kids. He was dazed and Yifan’s voice sounded like it was a million miles away from him. 

“Just go to sleep,” he said, and Junmyeon’s eyelids drooped in warning. “We’ll all be here when you wake up, okay?” 

He did as ordered, although he didn’t remember it. 

* * *

Junmyeon could hear a baby fussing. 

His eyes blinked open slowly, having to take a moment to gather his bearings to recall where he even was, all the drugs in his system making him feel completely out of it. But at last it all clicked back into place and he remembered every moment with pinpoint precision. 

Junmyeon’s head swiveled to one side, able to see Yifan tinkering around by the warming beds, speaking under his breath to one of their sons. 

“I know, I know,” he was muttering, and Junmyeon couldn’t bite back a smile, able to hear both of their children beginning to whine and fuss for Yifan’s attention, “come on now, don’t be upset. I’ll hold both of you, how does that sound?” 

“Need any help?” Junmyeon then piped up, and Yifan’s shoulders twitched heavenward as he jumped, not having realized Junmyeon was awake. Yifan then nodded in thanks, managing to wrangle both newborns into his arms as he approached Junmyeon’s cot. “I know they’re fussing but look how cute they are… No wonder they kept crushing my guts, look at them wiggle.” 

Yifan laughed, easing Jongin down into Junmyeon’s arms as he continued to hold onto Sehun, before easing himself back down into the chair beside Junmyeon’s bed. “How are you feeling?” 

“Tired… But much better now that they’re out of me,” Junmyeon said with a sigh, although his lips were stretched in a smile as one of Jongin’s tiny hands latched onto his pinky finger. “I’m a small guy after all and they’re some big babies.” 

“I’m glad they’re out too. It feels like we’ve been waiting forever for this…” Yifan murmured, staring down at Sehun with fond eyes as he gently stroked his thumb over the newborn’s cheek. He grinned, big and wide, gums on display. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life, aside from when I married you. It feels like a dream.” 

“I know,” Junmyeon agreed, meaning every word. 

It really did feel unreal to him too; the two of them had been through so many ups and downs trying to have children, many nights of crying, of unneeded feelings of guilt, arguments, wonders if it would ever happen… And now, after all this time, he had managed to not only get pregnant and have a child, but bring _two_ of them into the world. The meager thought of it made his chest ache with an overload of emotions, from happiness to love to nervousness to excitement. This was a new chapter of their life now, one that Junmyeon welcomed with eager arms. 

“But if this is a dream,” Junmyeon said, his voice wavering as he tried not to cry, “this I never want to wake up.” 

“Neither do I. I officially have everything I could ever want… A nice job, a good home, a wonderful husband and two bundles of joy I adore to the moon and back,” Yifan murmured, leaning over the edge of Junmyeon’s bed rails just enough to place a quick peck on his husband’s cheek. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Junmyeon replied in a heartbeat, and although his words were for Yifan, his eyes couldn’t stray from the baby he was holding in his arms. “And I love you too, little one.” 


End file.
